I do not feel free
I met my husband 5 years ago. He swept me off my feet and was so romantic (despite telling me he was not). We had a lot of fights though. He literally came from the other side of the world and from a more backwards culture. His version of the world was so different from mine and he thought that my personality was fine, but he did not like much abut how I lived.
3 years ago I moved to his country to get married. I love his family and their whole community in this country, but I feel trapped by hy husband. He wants to choose my friends or better yet, just have his friends wifes as friends. If the sun is rising or setting he wants me indoors. Recently I wanted to buy a book about energy efficient houses (because I can be a nerd like that) but he got really angry just in case I would swap personality and stard hounding him about insulating our home.
He has always been quick to anger and a bit controlling, but since I got here I felt it got worse. I really don't know why he is so scared of me doing anything he is not used to. Tonight I wanted some fresh air so I told him I will just be in our garden (that is fenced in from 3 sides and very safe) talking to my sister on the phone to say happy easter and so on. After a while he comes to get me because it is weird of me to sit outside, so I can't. It is always something wrong with what I want to do so that it needs to be stopped. I need to know what to do. Do I have a right to feel trapped like this or am I just being childish?
This reminds me of why my mother divorced my biological dad . For almost 7 years my mom was brainwashed into thinking that she was the one who was the bad one . They both fought everyday . It was very painful to hear . It made my mom very depressed for years . Until she stepped out and told him it was enough and that she wanted a divorce . Maybe it's time to end the relationship . Your relationshop with him isnt worth it . If you have kids , divorce is more better than parents fighting everyday . Please get to know a person more before marrying them . If he gets physical please dont hesitate to tell the police .
Explain this "backward culture" you refer to.
How are the other women in the family treated or expected to act?
It really sounds like this is not going to change and he has no idea what you are talking about.
Someone that controlling is dangerous in my opinion. I had a controlling boyfriend and he tried to hold me captive so I couldn't go anywhere. He threatened to hurt me if I left. He didn't want me to drive or work he wanted me with him at all times. Needless to say I got away from him and never looked back. Sorry to say this may get worst before it gets better. As soon as you do what you want and go against him it will escalate. Praying for you.
Thank you for your opinions and your time. His culture is pretty much upholding many values of what I would think the western world were at in the 50
. It is not crazy backward, but I also come from a very progressive country. I can agree with being a household wife and taking care of our child of 10 months, but not as much with that I need to be "protected" this much. Most of our problems are at home due to him thinking I should keep the house neater. His mom apparently always kept the house perfect and the food perfect. I do most things, like 2 or 3 laundery machines per day, the dishes, the food, the garbage and so on, but I often fall behind on ironing and vacuuming,and he uses that as an excuse to keep me from going out on wals or seeing other moms around the area. To me, he is behaving like I am a teenager that he needs to always check up on.
I have asked him if he did the same to his sister but he said that he never had to (kerp her from going out or seeing people). I feel that I never gave him a reason to not trust me so I really do not understand what I do to make him act like this.
He knows that he is too quick to anger and that he blows up way too easy (like his dad), but he seems more interested in me developing skills to not upset him (which sometimes seems impossible).
He has always scared me when he gets angry. He shouts, says things he later says he didn't mean, sometimes she throws things around. I know he would never hurt me physically.
Thank you again