PeoplesProblems Logo

Intimacy issues vs desire

Default profile image
My wife and I have been married for over a year now and have yet to have sex.
She is a virgin I am not. She has some medical issues, back and knees.
She was raised very conservatively and chose to wait till marriage for sex which contrary to my upbringing because of my feelings for her I respected.
When we were dating we were physical with kissing, petting, and limited oral. Since we said our vows though i am hard pressed to get a hug or kiss without annoyance passing through her.
Most days the only physical interaction I have with her is a kiss I steal while she is asleep as I am leaving for work.

I have strong desire for her, but also a strong desire for any sexual satisfaction. The urge to just go and get laid by whatever means plays in my mind everyday. I love her but my needs are not being met, I have told her so in talks and arguments, and am always guilted by her tears and excuses.

Am I wrong to expect that in over a year we should have been sexual at least once? I don't know what to do anymore and feel that I am about to screw up my life by making a bad decision.

Intimacy issues vs desire

Default profile image
So things SEEMED to be right- what put the brakes on it all?

Insist on complete physicals for both of you and then its off to a therapist to find out why she is unable or unwilling to carry out her marriage vows.

(I am assuming this is not an arranged marriage, right?)

Intimacy issues vs desire

Default profile image
That's sure hard to hold on for a couple.
A sexless marriage has a big impact on emotional feelings. I can't believe how you can you resist the temptation of your physical needs.

Reach out to her and talk about it, a sexual issue is not just a simple issue.
I am thinking a third party in your relationship.

If you still love her and respect her decision but, the sensation and the desire of your needs still linger in your mind and you can't hold any longer what are you doing? Do you masturbate to release the stress every time your attempts fail?
Maybe she is looking for something that will pique her attention
Try to understand also the need and desire of a woman. You can check here

Intimacy issues vs desire

Default profile image
Do you pay attention to her pleasure when you are getting into it? Because trust me, it is not sexy to feel like a accessory to your pleasure. Some men are like that, you might not be.

I had a relationship like that, and because my need for emotional connection during sex was not being met, I started shutting down. Sex started to hurt emotionally and physically and I started to avoid him just to not get into those situations anymore. Eventually we spoke about it but he did not understand and just said it is my duty. So we had sex but I cried every time because he did not care for me. Him overriding my needs and my pain for his pleasure told me so.

We finally spoke about it again and despite not understanding, he decided to give me more attention and a better connection during sex. Since then our sex life got significantly better.

My point is, before you and her go and play the blame game. Realize that this problem is something you both are doing together. She might have fears about how bad it will hurt. You might be scared that she never will give in. Without communication sex is lonely so talk about it. If she is ultra conservative it can be hard to do, but it is important that she understand that in a marriage you will have to talk it out not matter how hard it is.

Good luck. I hope my experiences can help you in some way.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?