What would you think?
A man you have never seen before randomly contacts you in a private message on an online forum and you exchange a few messages with him before he asks if he can add you to a texting app. You add him on the app, and you have a conversation for a few hours. Before you go to sleep, he sends you a heart emoji and tells you he "likes you already", and that if you "keep this up, it is likely that something good will happen".
You text again the next day, and another conversation begins in which he asks if you are single. You are, so you say yes. He is also single (you'll be his first girlfriend), and he asks if you would like to be in a relationship with him. You agree to be his girlfriend because you feel a connection and you can tell that it will grow in time. You are now boyfriend and girlfriend. In your mind, you are thinking that it is way too soon, but you also feel as though you could regret it if you say no because this person could be right for you. Opportunities like this are rare for you, and you assume the relationship will only last around three weeks at most. It won't do any harm, so "why not?"
The same day you become a couple, tells you that he likes to look at women from behind, and then sends you an illustration and ask you which "shape" you are, followed by a photo of a woman, and he says "I hope it looks like this. I would be behind you all day."
He also asks for a photo of your underwear. You are shy and you are not going to send a photo of yourself wearing them, so you send a photo of your folded underwear in its drawer. He then sends you a photo of his underwear drawer. You both start talking dirty to each other in great detail and tell each other what you would do if you were in the same room (role play - "cybering").
You have a lot in common in terms of morals, views and things you have both experienced. You text each other throughout the day, and you keep getting closer. You relate to each other very well, and you have an understanding of each other that no one else has had. You completely fall for him and see him as being perfect for you. He is always telling you how much he loves you. He says you are the right woman for him and that he would love to marry you one day. You are very clingy with each other and constantly sending kiss and heart emojis to each other. He sends you a lot of screenshots of other women he talked to in the past who have "hurt" him. He says he is glad he has you. You promise him you won't be like the others.
The dirty talking pops up everyday, and cybering happens around every two or three days. He keeps telling you how much he would love to see photos of you bending over, but your morals tell you that it is wrong to send photos like that - you're not like that. You don't have enough confidence, anyway. Eventually, you give in. It took a month, but you have decided to send a photo. Just one, and you'll be wearing a dress that you have pulled tightly around the area he wants to see. He loves it and sends you a photo of what seeing your photo has done to him.
He asks for more photos, and you send them because you know he loves them, and you actually start having fun taking them for him. You are now sending around ten at a time, to which he usually tells you he is pleasuring himself to. He is asking you for photos on most days. Sometimes even twice in one day - and you are sending them. You don't want to disappoint him. You spend an hour or more every day taking them for him, even when you're tired or unwell.
He watches a lot of porn and tells you how great it is, even when it was a video of a woman twerking, which is something you have done/tried to do in videos you sent him that he asked for. He also asks for videos of you on the toilet. You send him photos instead. He has always told you he wants to watch you on the toilet, and that he wants to play with himself while he watches you poo. He wants to do more with you once you have finished pooing, and he'll do it harder if he gets any of it on himself. You have sent him videos of yourself playing with a hair curler in that (clean) area, pretending it was him.
You have noticed that his "last active" on the texting app is always more recent than his last message to you, even though he's told you repetitively you're the only one he talks to on there. You even see an icon that says he is in a phone call, and it lasts for hours at a time, on and off - he tells you it is a glitch and to ignore it. It's an error, and so is his "last active" time. He loves you and would never cheat on you. He is hurt that you would think that.
He told you once that another woman who asked him to be her boyfriend was trying to seduce him online, but he cut all contact with her because she was forcing him to do something he doesn't like. You assume that he cybered with her, but he denies it. He says he didn't tell her he was in a relationship because he "didn't want to cause trouble." Around the time he told you this, he hadn't been interested in the photos you were sending to him and he was online "just now" often. You don't want to keep asking about things like this, but you are scared of losing him and it really seems like he is cheating on you, so you can't help but ask. He does nothing to reassure you except tell you more lies to cover up his behaviour, like "I think we need a new app. This app is lying."
You move to a new app, and when this one shows "just now" as the last active time, it means "less than one minute ago" instead of "less than 15 minutes ago" like the last one. You wake up, and when you go to send him a message to let him know you're awake, you see that he was last active less than one minute ago. He replies to your message, then tells you he has been pleasuring himself. You assume that he has been talking to another woman, either cybering or looking at her photos. This happens often, but whenever you ask about it, "it's just a glitch. Ignore it. You know I would never do this to you. You scared me :(."
The two of you live in different countries. You haven't met, but you want to more than anything you have ever wanted. Both of you have social anxiety. Because of yours, you are unable to travel alone. You assume you will both work something out. He has never mentioned anything about distance being a problem, and you never thought of it as one.
You have now been together for over eight months, and you notice that he is online just now whilst pleasuring himself. You were eating dinner at the time he told you that, yet when you read the messages, he is "Active now." You ask, again, if he is talking to anyone else. He says he is not, but that he has a headache and is going to go to sleep now. When he wakes up, he breaks up with you. He ignores you for two whole days, giving you no chance to have a proper conversations to set things right. You are lost and heartbroken. He has blocked you on every texting app you used, or it appears that he has. He then sends "Please leave me alone. I don't love you anymore."
You need him, and you can't let him go. You find him on another online forum, and try messaging him there as it is the only possible way to contact him now. He sends "I want all communications with you and me to be STOPPED and I'm no longer interested." He then posts a rant about you accusing him of cheating and says you are a "god-damn user", so he decided to completely cut you out of his life. He also says you made him feel like he couldn't have friends or any space to himself. He never told you any of this, and you are very hurt. He never offered to show you proof he wasn't cheating - what were you supposed to think?
You read through his posts on this forum, and more than one month after you get together, he bumps an old thread to say that he has finally given up on dating websites because they're "not getting him anywhere." He's going to "focus on himself" instead. There have been no mentions of you at all, however, he does say "I have been with a lot of women." You were his first girlfriend, remember. Another post made it look like he had been on a date with someone, and another made it look like he would have allowed a woman to suck him if she had offered to.
Does it sound like he was using me, and does he sound like someone who would ask other women for photos whilst with me? It has been nearly five months, but I still can't get over him. I feel like he was perfect for me and I lost him by worrying too much. Did I do the wrong thing by him? I feel like I was a terrible girlfriend and that I've joined the list of women who treated him badly. I'm just curious what other people would think about this. I know some of my actions were stupid, and I've learned a lot from this.
Thank you for reading/replying. :)
I think you had a lucky escape..he sounds like a proper player....
The problem is you are talking to someone online, from another country. And it's not like there is any planning being done for a proper date.
I think most of us have shared intimate details or videos or pictures of some sort over the Internet in our lifetime. For many it's the convenience, for some its the escapism or the desperation, and occasionally it's all about promises you've made with someone and the things you want to do to make them happier in this life. You can't help but feel used even if you never actually had sex with anyone or seriously tarnished your own personal morals for this person. After all, your intimate details, videos and pictures are now "out there", on this twisted Internet.
Honestly, it is difficult enough in life to find an actual partner. I wouldn't waste time on something unrealistic. It might be possible to start a relationship with someone on a forum dealing with a subject you are both interested in, but it's more likely that you will have better luck meeting someone on a dating website - since that is where people go to look for people to date. It is likelier still that you will meet someone in person, where many of the hurdles and barriers of the Internet are simply not present face-to-face.
You did a lot for this guy. He called you a terrible girlfriend and ended things with you. Apparently he has some serious issues.