I want to call off my wedding!
Hi, I really need some good advise! I have been with my partner for 6 years and we are getting married in 3 months. The trouble is I am seriously getting cold feet and my gut instinct is telling me its not right.
My partner is an amazing man, he is lovely to me and my children (which are not his) and I think that is what is keeping me in the relationship, I don't want to upset him or the children and feel that I'm only going ahead not to hurt them.
Ok so it seems I have it all but here is the down side, he is older than me which is not a problem to me what so ever but the last year or so he has really let himself go yet he often makes jokes that he wouldn't like me to put on weight on, he's also very untidy so I feel I never stop! It just feels like this has become accepted within the relationship which then get me upset and angry. I'll admit I'm no angel but it's all just getting me down, I'm just terrified of the consequences of calling it off this late and feel so drained thinking about dealing with it.
Just as a last note the wedding is abroad and its only us going so not too worried about that side of it, its just everyone thinks he's great so I'm going to be completely hated if I go through with this! Help please!
How long have you been feeling cold feet? Is it longer than a few months? Remember everyone feels cold feet at some point, but it will pass naturally. If yours has been around for longer than a month then you need to listen to your gut. Calling off the wedding doesn't necessarily mean quitting the relationship. Maybe there is an underlying issue that can be worked on and with communication and effort, in time you could feel differently.
I personally had cold feet for about 3 months before, even on the day I was still so uncertain, but never had the guts to trust my instinct because he is a great guy, and he treated me well. But 10yrs down the line I still have major doubts - and now I can't do anything about it. He still is a great guy, but we are not compatible.
So trust your gut, you will know if its just wedding jitters or red lights with a more serious warning...
GMANDZ's got it right. Communication is K-E-Y. It's hard for sure, even if you know your partner well--and I'm sure you've had practice in the years that you have been together. Make your feelings known--let him know that it bothers you when he makes "off" comments about putting on weight (you don't need to put up with that, especially since you don't find it funny).