Depression: How to make him realise he needs help?
Hi all, someone very dear to me is suffering but he doesn't realise he needs help and he is pushing away everyone around him. It all starts with a very very bad childhood and abuse by stepfather, then in his late 20ies he failed a couple of jobs and ventures he started - failures came one after the other in the next few years and apparently depression and loneliness got deeper, but he never talks to anyone and all the people around him must have overlooked it, it has been going on for years and getting worse and worse. He started drinking, smoking too much and anything he finds, becoming aggressive sometimes, not willing to speak to anyone at all, starting to insult his closest people, who has been very patient and supportive of him this whole time. Now at 40+ in combination of a midlife crisis symptoms the situation has become unbearable - we are afraid he may hurt himself or someone else.
He used to be the best guy - very kind and helpful and compassionate, he changed completely. The problem is that he is in complete denial - he doesn't agree at all that he has a problem and he is putting the blame on the others, he is totally convinced that he is right and the others are wrong and no one can talk to him at all because he becomes very aggressive, then storms out and wouldn't come back for days...
Please advise how to deal with a situation like that? I read a lot and I know the first step is to realise you need help and start your battle and then it is important that you have support from your close ones. He has all the support from friends and family but doesn't want to hear about any help at all... What can we do? What is the right approach?
I'm not sure if I have a clear answer on what to do, but you have to do something. He needs help but he is going to have to want it for himself or whatever you do for him wont matter. People wont change unless they realize they have a problem. You can talk until your blue in the face. Depression is serious, and it can change your life. I'm not sure if you or him are spiritual or not but I would recommend you pray and ask God to give you direction... Thanks
thanks for your reply. I'm reading about it days and nights now and it is the only answer I get... if he doesn't accept any help, no one can help him..
He doesn't even want to see his kids and talk to his 9 year old daughter, she is heartbroken..
He is not spiritual at all, neither believes in God, I am, but if praying is all that can be done, it must be pretty hopeless
I can't just sit and watch, there must be something I can do to help him realise..is anyone has any experience with this please let me know, I'm desperate
KatKat, I'll be back as soon as I have a big enough window to 'chat'. Meanwhile - same boat merchants (or so it appears, bar differing degrees (or maybe not?)):
Honestly, I've gone through this for 4 years of my life. My father took drugs (cocaine and weed and alcohol). These last past 4 years have been really hard on me. He's not mad but he is depressed because his wife walked away from supporting him and helping him. The aggression comes from the mixed emotions he has he is not in the right mind. To be honest my father has bipolar issues.
One day he's fine one day he's depressed he sleeps in all day. It won't be easy but again yes I agree he can only help himself no one else can. I think what could help is if he really became spiritual and figured out what he did wrong. Guys won't own up to their mistakes, they expect us woman to feel sorry for what we did and what we didn't do. I realized that seeing my father go through this has been super difficult and has pulled me back.
But, I won't let it happen anymore I just can't let it. He is who is today. Yes, I yell at him because I don't know what else to do but, it doesn't help the situation. Some days he would be gone for days on end. I would be scared wondering where he has he never answered my messages my calls nothing. Then one day I took his phone away. It said he had muted me so my texts and calls won't be answered. All I can say is that take him to see a doctor a Psychiatric doctor a well known one or take him to a mental hospital so he can be diagnosed with the right tools and with the right care.