Husband is mad all the time
GINGERALE - Apr 20 2017 at 01:55
My husband has been very nasty to me and our our youngest daughter lately. Nothing we do is right he makes mean comments then says he is joking. He is fine with our older daughter.
If i try to talk to him about it he gets angry and tells me that i am overreacting and he has done nothing. That i am the one who is wrong. Then he stops talking to me for a few days. When he decides that itbis over he just starts talking again like nothing happened.
Sunday he told my daughter she looked rediculous in what she was wearing. When i said aomething to him he got mad at me and told me he did nothing wrong. Then when i was out of the room he told her he could make comments to her all he wanted because ahe caused the problem getting upset and telling me what had happened.
He stopped talking to both of us until Tuesday night when he told me that I am the problem, because I tell him he is wrong when he does things like that.
Tonight he comes home and i had been home from work cleaning an cooking for 2 hours when he came home and aince i wasnt talking. (I was in the middle of a conversation with my daughter) he gets mad again
Am I the problem. Am I overreacting to the comments and silent treatment.
You are not overreacting. At all.
His anger in response to your reaction to his own comments--and the fact that he ignores you and your daughter--are behaviors that almost seem mentally abusive to me. I'm very sorry that he is acting this way toward you and your daughter. You should not have to go through this sort of thing, especially in your own home, with your spouse.
Perhaps he may be taking the way that you're communicating as more of an attack than a gentle discussion--and this may be why he is lashing out, denying that he has hurt you, and is shutting you out. Discussions about these sort of things are very difficult--Lord knows I've had trouble talking with some people about these sorts of things.
It might need to be expressed that you feel HE isn't the problem--perhaps say that you feel it is the way he CHOOSES to speak and behave to you. Having a talk with him, alongside your daughter could help him to see that the way he is acting is hurting you and your daughter. Do express that you care about him--this is important. He may be hurting you, but he isn't necessarily an enemy--he's your husband, and your daughters' father. Your family's relationship with him needs to be healthy so that you all can remain close with each other.
Agree. But not 'seem' - *are*. (And FYI, Ginger, it's emotional abuse if it really upsets you in the moment and psychological abuse if it's geared toward affecting your attitudes, thinking, choices of behaviour and decisions-forming.
I DO NOT like his threat to her that if she reports his maltreatment of her, she'll get punished for it. I'm so glad your daughter trusts you and won't stop coming and telling you. Bullies, be they temporary or permanent, rely on the victim's (usually coerced) silence.
Is this behaviour with a decidedly narcissistic bent one-off temporary, a phase, Mid Life Crisis, or a newly permanent state of affairs. That's the first question to begin with, Gingerale (-love the name, btw! :-)).
So, is this [a] characteristic of him but cranked up to very noticeable degree all of a sudden in combo with your having somehow either regained or newly grown in confidence lately, [b] seemingly uncharacteristic but, when you look in hindsight over your marital history, there were little flashes here and there (or what now are recognisable as symptomatic of this showdown behaviour) or [c] does it feel as if 'the mask has come off' and your prince is suddenly the stark opposite?
Also: Has your daughter just started asserting her own mind after having been a 'yes dad, no dad' merchant and/or just suddenly started to dress and behave like an emerging woman, wanting to go out and see her mates a lot?
Is he picking on you too or just your daughter? More details please.