Broken dream of asian gay, education, failure, depressed

so hello everyone. i don't even know where should I start from. I am from Asia, and from one on the developing country, Nepal. from my childhood I always had one dream. going abroad and enjoying my life to the fullest. i am gay. and it is nearly impossible to live a life as a homosexual in here. so all my life i dreamed of going to America and get a degree from a nice university and settling there. but my dreams didn't come true. after passing high school here in nepal, i applied for the visa of US. for the developing country like nepal, the citizens need to give an interview at the US embassy. the interview is not really easy. easy isn't the word. the interview is unpredictable. every things depends upon the mood of the visa officer. as you might have already guessed that i didnt get the visa.I applied for the visa three times. can you imagine? 3 times, paying $160 three times. and for a middle class asian, $480. now you people might be wondering that i am not qualified for the visa that is why i didnt get the visa. but no, i have seen like 100 peoples whose academic qualification is worst than mine. there are also many people who got the visa for studying there even though they were not able to afford the tuition fees. I don't know what was the reasons that the visa officers didnt issue me the visa. all my friends who had the qualifications like i do have got the visa. it is really depressing. everytime i remember the painful experience, i feel like crying. i feel like i am locked up in a cage and i wont be able to come out of it. we have only one life. and in this one life i have tried so hard to make it better and get the best out of this life. in this one life i have, i wanna live it to the fullest. live however i like. marry whoever i like. but no! seems like i am reaching for the stuff i am not worthy of. the past year of my life has been a gruesome one.

Hi broken dreams...keep your head hi..for sometimes things we feel we should have we don't receive..and sometimes its not the right time. If its meant to be it will happen...i do hope you make it one day!! Be well and be blessed!! :-)