Relationship and family stress

Hi.thank you for providing such a support to share my problems. I would like to start from my childhood what i have suffered.i have lost my father at age of one year. I have been bought up by mother alone. Have no sibbling s. Always used to feel alone. I was not good at my academics ...No one used to do be so close with me. Just they used to make their work done with me. Even in relative s no one were close to share how lonely i felt. My mom used to shout at me and scare me always.though she used to provide me what all i require she never used to pamper me or show that love and affection and closeness to share my feelings. At my childhood only some of relatives who used to come to my home used to behave badly with me...Forcing for romance. But i didn't know what those people were trying to do with me.i was so immetured. All throughout my life i was waiting if i can get a person who could understand me...But at age of 18 i got a person who loved me. But he was not a good person. Though my inner heart is saying me in this age it is just flirting and no one will be true to you...But still i couldn't stop my self in becoming close to him. He used all his tricks to flirt me. He blackmailed me that he would die ..Later i started making relation with him. Then i used to share all my problems with him. But he used to disclose all my problems with others and cheated me a lot. All the relationship he livied with me was a lie.Then i have suffered a lot... Because i can't share it with anyone...I used to hurt myself. Physically. Since i broke up with him...He had made me bad infront of every one that i can't face my colleagues or lecturers even once now. I became more stressful of hiding myself. Sitting alone. Later another person took advantage of this and proposed me...They don't want to be solution to my problems but want to marry me....That made me more cry. When i said other person i can't marry you...He also stopped talking to me. Later a person who is unknown to me...Just got introduced through his father started talking to me and said i love you. I said i need to talk to you..And i said him all my story what all i suffered and gone through . Because i don't want my past to interfere in my future . I expected him also to share everything. He said he has nothing to say me. What all i said..He didn't say anything. He said in future if i face problem with that guy be ll look .I thought i so lucky to have such person. What i expected from him...Love affection..My caring... Everything i said him before marriage. Like every other girl i was also wrong in choosing a person. I also said him...I liked your family.so i will marry you. Because i wanted a big family. Thier family used to care me a lot before marriage. Once marriage is done ...All his affairs have come out..One by one. When the first affair i came to know i asked him clearly is anything else their.said no. I asked him to say everything to me...Not to hide ..I ll accept. But he never spoke a word.he will be sleeping silent ly . How much i cry and suffer he ll not come and talk to me . In my four year of married life i was never happy because always i came across some of his lies and affairs and similarly Thier family...They used to act infront of me that they love. But never been true to me.

Hi there...I am work ...So l read most of your post not all....I just want u to lighten up on yourself....Noone is perfect...We all got issues and demons...So take time to figure out what you are good at and the things you can do to make it better....Take it a step at a time....Also have faith and strength..I am here for anything l can do to cheer u up through my words and experiences....I wish u well....:)Hang in there it will get better before u know it.....

Rituga Have grace on yourself, Take things one step at a time, Remember that you did not ask for this, You are not a victim, You are not a mistake, You are Loved, You are valued, You are worth so much, Love yourself, In the times it feels overwhelming let God love you, What are some good things that you can think about yourself? Don't allow stress and depression bombard you, Think of all the good qualities that you have, In the process of that, Relax and take deep breath, You will overcome this.