Help on a depression high again!!!

I have kids I have friends I have family I have a boyfriend. But yet would anyone miss me if I was gone. My kids are young, could easily forget about me. I love them to bits. They are my world. I'm theirs, but if I'm gone I can be easily replaced My friends are their when I need them.but are they really there for me. The way they talk about each other behind each backs, I don't feel they would miss me. My family. They are in the USA. My parents are here. I don't see it speak to them much. So would they miss me My boyfriend. Best thing that has happened to me. I'm so Happy when he is around, yet I'm so sad when he is not. Its like when he is not with me, I ain't apart of his life cause he can get away with not talking to me. Does he really love me? Hr could easily replace me for someone so much better, prettier and who would make so much more effort with him You see I been hurt so bad before. And since I dont know if I can trust anyone. I feel so alone in life yet I'm not.I can't talk to anyone about anything cause last bad patch I had everyone was so judgemental about everything This isnt me saying I'm suicidal this is me saying would I be better off just disappearing so I'm not a burded on anyone. I have no idea. But I know one thing. I need help. I need someone to talk to. I need to feel loved. I need a cuddle and know one to let go. I need to feel pretty. I don't feel nothing. Just pain sadness happiness. confusion So there we go. Here are my feelings. I don't know how to get out to people. But please help. I don't like feeling this pain

Its good u are getting it out...First step to the healing...Lighten up on yourself....U are one person you can not do it it all...We all need help and support...Why we are all on here...I believe in prayer...therapy...even meds if u need it...But main thing have faith and believe that this is just a test...Life does not have to remain here...Life will go on each day so do not give up..:)I am here to talk if u want or need it....