Felt sad for a long time

Hi, so it all kinda started at college over a year ago, I was applying to join the army and started seeimg this girl and I.got close to her, id seen her for maybe nearly 6 months, just before that point however my army application got frozen and she was going off to uni far away and I knew it was going to end and all my friends were leaving,I.got kinda depressed and she left for uni started seeing someone else after like 2 months amd I was still waiting at home alone for the army, I.couldnt handle her not being around, I.started argueing and ruined our friendship even tho.she was always going to leave and I ruined my social life with other people too cos I.felt like shit and argued.with people, that was the end of last year, this year ive just got into the army about a month ago, but still feel like I cant move on sometimes, im full of regret and not enjoying the army as much as I thought I would, im full of regret and sad thoughts the time, I still care about them and wish things had gone differently, but ive lost so many.good friends cos I.got depressed and fucked up, I get sad knowing I can never go back and I feel alone sometimes and being a soldier is stressful, any advice? P.s I had suicidal thoughts sometimes and restlessness at night too

Hi, Primarch I'm Nick pleased to help you. So from the sound of it it sounds like you have accepted your mistakes and are ready to move on and make amends. First I'd like to thank you whether you've been deployed or not joining the military is no easy task and I thank you for that. I understand you regret joining the army and that is OK. You need to begin taking those next steps in your life and set a goal. Whether you plan on staying in the army or not you need to set goals based on what you would like to do next. Like I've stated previously it sounds like your ready to make amends with your friend and this girl you were talking to. The smallest things have the biggest impacts sometimes. Apologize and begin to slowly make amends. Admit your wrong doings and apologize. Moving on is very difficult sometimes but a lot of the time its coming to terms with your situation and working with it that makes moving on easier. Focus on self growth and making sure you yourself are in good standings before trying to make amends with others. (suicide is never the answer). Best wishes-Nick