Trying to find my place somewhere I'm not wanted

Well my relationship is fairly new and just for that reason i feel like we shouldnt be going through some of the things that we are. he is sometimes verbally abusive. i dont have any family where i live so im constantly living in fear that i could just be kicked to the curb with no help or means to get help and he does threaten to kick me out. i have caught him texting/calling other girls. never any physical contact but to me that is still cheating but he always finds a way to make it my fault. i have never been suicidal but i have asked God to just take me because im so tired of being depressed (not just from my current relationship). i just dont see another way out of this depression. im so lost and feel so out of place somedays i cant seem to go on. i really need help. even if its just someone to talk to. a friend. i just dont want to be alone anymore.

This is all too familiar to me, my first marriage was to this exact type of person. I highly advise you find a way to get out, anyway you can. He will not change his ways, I can guarantee that. I can only predict since I don't know this person but he is most likely a narcissist and will do anything he wants, including cheat, and then spin it around on you like you've done something wrong. You can read more about narcissism on this blog here https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-the-narcissist-projects-hisher-behaviour-onto-you/ And just because you don't know of anything getting physical, it doesn't mean it hasn't. Even if he hasn't, you're right texting/calling other girls is cheating. He wouldn't want you to do that with other guys. At least you have already come to the realization that you shouldn't be dealing with this sort of thing so early in your relationship. I promise it will only get worse if you stay. It sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place as far as leaving and being able to make it on your own. I hope you can find the courage and resources to get out of there.