Do I need help?

Hello. This is the first time i post on a forum but i guess i'm kind of desperate. I'm only 18 but all of my life i have been a little hostile with mt feelings... Not in a bad way, more like a puppy protecting its toys. Since i was in the 5th grade i felt different, my friends stopped talking to me because i was rude (Apparently in a boyish way) and didn't really care about other peoples problems. And that went on throughout highschool. I lost SO many friends and a 2yr relationship with a guy because i was tired, i got really angry at my best friend because she tried helping me. I have and incredibly low self steem, i have trouble handling my feelings and i am very insecure. It is really hard for me to mistreat the people that care about me (which is.. not a lot ot people) There are a lot more experiences but it would take up a bunch of space. Sorry for the long post And i assure u it's way more than a teen angst.. i scare myself sometimes

Thanks for taking the time to post these issues and the courage to put yourself out there. All of us who respond are caregivers not cure givers. It is difficult for you to share all necessary information for any of us to give accurate advice. And I am one never to give advice anyway, because often I’m wrong. However, I think together we can problem solve. Let’s give it a try. First, let’s try to identify the problem; specifically. Being rude in Jr. High school is normal. Most of us were narcisstic and could only focus on our own problems. However, by the time we graduate, we should be less self-centered and more focused on others. This is not easy and may be the problem you are sharing. Ask yourself if the breakup of a 2 year relationship is your fault or his? Be totally honest. Remember we are trying to identify a problem to solve. If this breakup and the loss of your best friend are due to your emotional insecurity, you may have found the problem. This may also be a good time to recognize your strengths. You may feel insecure but there are things you do with confidence. Identify them. Low self esteem may be projected on you by others. Ask yourself if these are accurate projections or simply the prognosis of jealous people. Second, once the specific problem is identified, look at all possible options and consequences to each option. One option is to do nothing, and nothing will change. Another option is to seek professional help. This consequence may be expensive and may result in you becoming someone you are not or do not want to become. However, it could be someone who will put others before ourself. Take a moment here and imagine a world in which we all put others first....loving our neighbors as ourself, if you will. Interestingly, you have a hard time mistreating people that care about you. Would that also apply to others when you care for them? I want to stop here and ask you for your specific identification of the problem and what you see as possible solutions and consequences. Please respond and we will attempt to solve these issues collectively.