To divorce, or not

I have been married for over 20 years, and I have three children. My husband cheated on me twice. One time was for several months and the other time was for several years...two different women. He says he does not want to divorce, but he makes no changes. He says he is no longer seeing anyone, and maybe he isn't. I have no idea. His actions, though, are the same. He treats me the same and to me seems to put everything else first. Am I imagining all of this...just forcing myself to see the negative? Or, does he truly not love me and just doesn't want to have to pay child support and go through a divorce? I am lost. I am confused. And I hurt. But, I do not want my children to hurt. Are they better off if we stay married? I don't know.

Very bad happened to you, but for the sake of children, you should give him on more and final chance to prove him that he will not cheat you again. You can also take advice from your nearby relationship counselor where you can get practical solutions accordingly.

Kas, It's easy for others to sit and offer advice but only you know how You truly feel. 20 years is a very long time but; But do u trust this man? Does he effect your self esteem? Is it good enough for you that he has put u through all of this? Children are very adaptable. You can't stay in an unhappy marriage for anyone. You, alone deserve to be happy. I think you should take some time to really reflect about how you feel in yourself. Take everything else out of the equation. Xx

Hello KAS, I'm a son of divorced parents myself. The process maybe as smooth or as harsh as the parents make it. I'll be very clear here. He needs to make amends, to put his family first. For the sake of the children (and here I have to strongly disagree with JOHNPERES), it's better for you to get divorced if you think that will give you peace of mind. Dealing with a depressed mother is far harder than dealing with a consensual divorce. It's very important to say that you have to keep in touch, because you are tied by your children, but you don't have to live together or be married to raise some good kids. What matters the most here is your sanity and your peace, because if you constantly feel not loved, left on the side, unimportant, etc... It will eventually hurt your self esteem so bad that you won't be able to feed your children's self esteem either. Take care of yourself. Then your children. Good luck.

100% agree, my story is very similar to yours. I have been married for almost 25 years and instead of walking out 8 years ago when he cheated on me. And now, I suffer from Anxiety and depression. Have no social life. So make a decision soon rather than later. X

He treats you with no respect because you allowed him to. Cheating for any amount of time is bad enough but for years? How many years? Why did you remain marriage when you found out about his prolong cheating? for the children? Yet he has yet to give you or your marriage any respect. My guess He'll be long gone once the children reach their age of majority. Until you finally stand up and demand he respect you and your marriage nothing will change. Have you informed him what he needs to do improve his treatment of you? Of course he says he wants no divorce, has any thing happen lately?