Unable to decide between my husband and my lover

I had an affair after 25 years of marriage to a man who I allowed to control me, despite being a well-educated and independent woman. Despite these tendencies he was always attentive and caring, towards me and my family. I married him on the rebound from a very difficult relationship with yet another control freak. The man I had the affair with works very near me and I see him every day. The physical relationship we had was wonderful, completely fantastic but apart from that we had nothing in common. I missed my family and for three years have been going back and forward between this man and my husnband, who has stood by me throughout. He readily admits his faults in our marriage and says he has changed and has actually given me much more freedom during the periods when we have been together. However, I have lost all physical desire for him and feel such attraction still to this other man, who I see every day around my workplace. I know deep down I could not live with this man as he was mean and not on my wave length. He has been driven to distraction by me over these three years, begging me always to give it another go. We tried living together three times and each time it lasted only three or four weeks. Recently, when I went back to my husband, this man told me he had found someone else. I have felt suicidal. I don't understand what is wrong with me in that I can't seem to rationalise the whole situation. Everyone tells me this man is really no good for me or I for him. Why then do we still want each other so much? He has told me unless I can give up my husband for good, there can be no future for us. He says he does not love this other woman but that she has given him stability which he did not have with me. But that he thinks of me constantly and loves me. Why am I even considering going back to him when I know a future with him would be unfulfilling? I am fond of my husband but almost like a brother now. I have started looking on online dating, even though officially I am supposed to be trying to make a go of it with my husband. I am a mess, have stopped eating and my mother and sister are frantic with worry. I know I sound like a selfish person, but I am consumed with guilt having upset so many people. I am getting no satisfaction in any of this awful mess and I have really thought about ending it all, but could never hurt my family whom I love very much. I would appreciate any help anyone can give me. Antelka

Ok, not to sound rude- So If you dont want my advice so be it. Your husband- you love him right?. This lover- You are ATTRACTED TO HIM. Now lets turn the tables to your husband. Now Im not sure If he too has had an affiar, but we are all human beings. We will always find someone more attractive than our spouses or just as attractive. Whatever. But what you are doing is selfish and wrong. Attraction is what part of everyones lives. I have been with my husband only 4 years. But I have had plenty of handsome men show that they would love to give me a good time. But I am married, and I swore to be loyal to him. If you find you cannot, well then you should see your asnwer by now. If not let me spell it out. UNmarry your husband and the guilt will no longer burn after time. You will be free from the bonds of marriage and thus, your lover and yourself cant have the free will to have sex without the panging in your head.

can* my apologies