What have I done

I started seeing someone (a) 18 months ago, it has been really difficult, he never texted or called and it was left to me to arrange contact. I don't know why i bothered. Last night after me contacting him for 4 days, sending text and pics, he finally admitted he'd met someone last week. i wasn't happy because i felt he should have told me 4 days ago.I know it was only fun for him, but part of me wanted a relationship.Until last week, i'd never let him come to my flat as i knew when he saw i didn't have money, it would be over, and he proved me right! However, in this time i have also been seeing 2 others!one is my ex who is engaged and still has a place in my heart, the other for fun!So i'm no innocent.last night i sent (a) a barrage of horrible texts to him, getting everything off my chest, listing his faults and admitting about the other men!Although i'm glad the whole truth is out as i hadn't told anyone about them !why do i feel so bad?guilty?disgusted with myself?why didn't i just keep quiet and walk away?i'm not young, i'm a 54 year old grandmother!what's wrong with me?

Thank u so much for that!i have been feeling awful about what i text him, i hate parting from someone on such bad terms, and would rather have been parted as friends and yet part of me doesn't care, i always felt there was something missing within him!and i don't think he would even be hurt or upset by what i text.The trouble was he reminded me physically of my late, missed dad, he's 61 and my dad was 67, so may be i just wanted him to replace my dad.I've been such a stupid woman allowing the situation to drag on, when it should have ended a long time ago. You're right i do need to put this behind me, and appreciate all the good things in my life and definately make wise choices