5 kids, 12 years, divorce?

I have been married for coming on 12 years this October. I have 5 kids. 4 Girls and a boy. We are having troubles, like many couples do. I am self employed. I never feel satisfied in life, I feel as if I should be else where, stressed about money...the usual. My wife and I argue a lot. When we get along, we are good. I come from a divorced family and so does she. When she got pregnant I proposed. I loved her and wanted to do the right thing. Fast forward and 5 kids total, we still are arguing and not getting along. I admit, I get stressed and I treat my kids bad when I am stressed. Our kids have seen and/or heard us argue. Bad at times. We both strayed at one point. But lies still lingered, or should I say there was not full truth told, by her, probably me as well. I changed a lot. Stopped going out, stop talking to many friends, been faithful for 3 or more years. But I still have issues with the kids. I didn't want to be like my parents...divorced, my dad not around much, mom beat my rear and my brothers regularly, but I see what being together is doing to the kids. My wife has brought up divorce many times. She cant keep house, pay bills and live alone. Neither could I. I am lost and an emotional wreck lately. I laughed at my wife the other day because if I didn't laugh I was gonna break down during her telling me I need to change or divorce. I saw on my desk notes she was taking regarding divorce steps. I guess I'm looking for advice. Not easy. Part of me wants divorce, but then I think of her struggling with 5 kids and me not being around my kids. But I don't want them messed up from staying together.

You considered marriage councilling? Sure 5 kids and job and house and wife is hard work but I'm sure imagine u alone in silence in a empty place with no wife and kids... It's yr call but consider try to save relationship before giving up.. Good luck..

we did try marriage counseling. They recommended her going to counseling alone, she went, then they recommended possibly taking meds to help her work thru her issues as well as talking to someone. She never went again after that. Years later she refuses to talk to someone and says she will fix herself.