5 years of friendship. We're complete opposites but I feel connected to him
Hi I'm hayley, I'm 23 years old and I am an only child that grew up with a single mom. For 5 years I have been friends with this guy we will call him mike. He actually grew up close to me and we shared the same bus stop since we were 12. However I did not speak to him until I was 18 which is when we formed a friendship.
Initially I met him through my close girlfriend Jennifer. Mike is actually Jennifer's ex boyfriend. Mike and I always got along and I discovered that through our friendship we had similar moral philosophies. Mike grew up with two parents and two younger sisters. However we share many similarities when it comes to our early lives. We were disciplined similarly, given the same books to read as children etc. I've always felt like we could have been brother and sister. In fact he told me he loved me like a sister.
Now I have to tell everyone I am a virgin. Yes a 23, almost 24 year old virgin. I have never been intimate with a guy and I believe it is because I have such low self esteem. I am certainly not the type to sleep around. I would like to believe in love and that it's real but I have personally never experienced it. I've come to the conclusion that I just need to lose it now. I just want to get it over with. I'm sick of feeling so undesirable and unloved. Sex makes the world go round. How come no one wants to have it with me.
Mike dated Jennifer for 2 years. Between the ages of 16-18, when I knew neither Jennifer not mike. Since then mike has revealed to me and our friend group that he hasn't had sex with anyone except Jennifer in his life. This has led to him believing he's somewhat asexual. He has said specifically that he can't just have sex with someone he doesn't have real feelings for.
Mike is a fit and attractive dude who exercises regularly. I am a chubby girl, about 185-190 but I am 5'6". I personally believe I have a pretty face and I have always found myself somewhat attractive.
I am wondering if I should ask mike to be my "fuck buddy". Would that be weird, would he laugh In my face? I believe we're both somewhat conservative. I don't know. I'm wondering about just asking him to take my virginity. He's the only guy I know that hasn't had sex with multiple women.
Jennifer hasn't lived near us in 3 years and she is not an issue in my predicament.
The big issue is that mike and I have grown apart in the last few years. We're close but it seems that we argue a lot and wouldn't be compatible in a emotional relationship. I'm wondering how to bring up the thought of a purely sexual relationship? I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel so close to him. And sometimes I can't stand him. Sometimes he makes me feel special and that leads me to believe that maybe he likes me. I am so lost, sometimes I think, that other people think, that I'm an ugly person not capable of being loved. I'm scared he will laugh at me if I ask him to sleep with me. that it's absurd someone like him would want to be intimate with someone like me. Idk I'm literally willing to attach pictures of myself because I do not understand why no guy I like has ever shown even a little bit of interest in me. I'm really starting to get discouraged about my future.
First thing first, being an older virgin isn't that abnormal and is nothing to be ashamed of. Losing you virginity is a big step in a woman's life and should be taken lightly. There is nothing wrong with you, except maybe your confidences. My best advice is work on loving yourself first and for most. Others will follow.
I can tell you I was in a similar situation a year ago, same age even. I thought no guy was into me or would be. I was embarrassed about being a virgin ( I hadn't even kissed a guy.) So along comes this very fit army guy, met through a mutual friend. He was a nice guy, but I just had no romantic interest in him. He showed interest and we started to hook up at parties. Luckily, it never went so far as doing the deed. I very strongly considered it, even planned on it but he got deployed before we could.
Shortly after, I started learning the subtle signs of guys flirting with me, a little bit of encouragement on my part and they started to blossom into something more. Now I am starting to see a guy I have had feeling for for the last 2 years. I am happy I didn't just get it over with, and I have the chance to share it with someone special. I can say just kissing him means more and is better than any other guy. I can only imagine sex will be the same
Of course, my experience isn't universal but I hope it helps, knowing there are others in the same boat. I am sure there are plenty of guys interested but with out serious hints being dropped most don't have the confidence to make a move.
As far as this guy goes, if you truly believe you won't regret him being your first and that is what you want there is no shame in that. Don't be insulted or take in personally if he says no. You said he "loves you like a sister." He might not be able to see you that way, its a sign that he respects you and cares for you. He may be down and still care for you. Just make sure you both are clear going in that this is just a platonic thing, and that it won't hurt you friendship.
Just remember you can always get it over with later, you cant take it back once you've done it.