I want this to change

This is the day I am starting my new life. I have to make move but it is as hard as always. I see everyone as perfect while I just struggle and insult myself. I have been going through this since my childhood, I don't know what triggered this. I overcame it for a while but it has come back again. I used to be scared of getting into bus alone. It is not like same. I have become normal. Though I am still hestitaing when it comes to presentation. I tried to get over this by making a speech in front of 300+ people. For twice. I made it then. But it has been a long time I didn't do it so I still feel the same. As if I hadn't made them. I know it is all to do with psychological. It causes some sypmtoms in my body. I get sick after everytime. I want to get over this forever and ever,though I know I'll not. I just want to make it less

Congratulation’s you are reaching out and taking one day at a time. At first, when I read your letter I thought, maybe you were suffering from anxieties. But then when you mentioned presenting in front of 300+ people in the past, I couldn’t imagine a more scary thing to do. You my dear are very brave! And I’m not sure where you live, but getting on a bus alone now days takes courage and a lot of prayers. You sound like a very humble person which is a very positive character now days. And remember: no one is perfect! Struggling with every day life can be a challenge. I personally, count on my faith, I’m not sure how the average person gets through life on their own? You mentioned your childhood triggers. Do they always give you anxieties, or do they sometimes warn you of danger or help you learn from past mistakes? Do you belong to a community center where you can help volunteer your time? You’d be surprise how helping others takes our mind off of your own imperfections and blesses others along the way. I am sending you a link to a helpline for possible anxieties, especially if your health is being effected? But, keep this in mind: many others have anxieties they may be just better at hiding their emotions. Peace my friend. https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety-symptoms#symptoms2