Cheating husband

My husband had an affair which resulted in a love child. The woman he met on line deliberately got pregnant, we later found an advert on the internet where she was requesting a man for either sperm donor or co parent. He stopped seeing her when she got pregnant and I ever found out until the child was 6 months old when this woman dropped a photograph of the child in the post to me. He now pays child support through the CMS but doesn’t see the child, even though I ever stopped him. He decided he wanted to stay with me as it was me who he loved and the affair meant nothing (the usual cock and bull story) stupidly I gave him another chance but I cannot forget or forgive. Plus he never can tell me why he did it and refuses to talk about it. I have tried for 2 years but after him getting drunk a few times and calling me every name under the sun and still I never threw the affair/child back in his face, I told him I wanted to split, not once has he begged me to try and make another go or go to counselling. I have even asked over the past few months if this is what he really wants and he just says it has to be as everyone now knows his business. I have told close friends and relatives. So the house is now on the market but unfortunately we are both living there until it sells. Nothing seems any different we still shop and eat together but we have separate bedrooms and there is no intimacy between us. Stupidly (and I don't know why) I have given him so many opportunities to beg my forgiveness but it falls on deaf ears, it's like I am the one who had the affair and am asking him to forgive me!! Now after several months, I am a lot stronger and am getting on with my life, all our friends were my friends before he came along and have been my rock. I have also met a guy, nothing sexual at present but we go out walking together and for the odd meal etc, he has really helped me get though the dark days so I can now see a light at the end of the tunnel. I know this guy would like to take things a step further and I do feel the same but I feel like I am betraying my marriage vows and it’s me who’s having the affair. If I was in my own house I would definitely see more of this guy but I feel so confused and guilty! My husband still pays for the bills and is still the nice guy who I fell in love with and I don’t know whether that’s because he is a nice guy or whether he is keeping me sweet o I don’t go for his pension etc . Sometime I wish he would be horrid to me then I could move on easier and guilt free. Why do I feel like this?

You feel like this because your husband is trying to make you feel that it's your fault. He was the one who chose to have an affair and as a result a love child was the end product. He's angry that he got caught out. If you have an affair,be prepared to be found out and for friends to find out. I'm glad that your friends have stuck by you and that you have found a kind,caring and more importantly,a respectful man. He should be groveling to you. You have done NOTHING wrong. He should be appalled by how he's treating you. Sending out positive vibes.