I can’t let her go, even though I know it’s for the best

Well the title gives you a brief overview of my situation... I want to put my situation out for the world to see it and let the anonymity of the internet protect me. I figure sharing it with others is the first step in healing this wound. For the sake of everyone staying nameless, let’s call her A (first letter in her name). So I first starting talking to A when I was a freshman in high school. We got in touch through some mutual friends. We went to different high school and had never met. We spoke all the time and ended up getting to know each other prettt well. Neither of us could drive at the time, so we did a lot of phone calls, Skype calls, etc. to stay in touch. We even became married on Facebook just to see how people would react. After a few years of talking, I thought the world of this girl. Now I never thought relationship or anything like that at the time. Sure, she was gorgeous, and she still is to this day, but how could I want a relationship with someone I’ve never met? Anyways, she ended up getting into a relationship before we finally got to meet. Which, didn’t bother me much. I was a teenage boy with plenty of testosterone flowing through me. I enjoyed chasing women. But man did this all hangs when I finally met her. She was every bit I had thought she’d be. Drop dead gorgeous and the exact same person I had shared countless conversations with over the years. The connection we had was just as strong as I had imagined it would be. She seemed to be the perfect girl for me. But obviously, she was in a relationship and there wasn’t much I could do. As time went by, she would slowly drift further away in my mind up until we saw each other again. I didn’t see her very often, but each time I’d see her, the feelings and desire I had towards her would reappear. Now the reason I need to let her go is simple. She’s been in a relationship for 6 years, maybe more. And I myself am in a relationship that will be at the 4.5 year mark here in a week and a half. But A always finds a way into my love somehow right when she’s out of my mind. It’s like she has a sense for when to screw with me again. We are now 22 years old and I got to see her again the other night. Right when she had started to fade out of my thoughts, here she is again back in my mind and back in my heart. Since I saw her, I’ve been waiting on snapchats, texts, etc just to hear from her again. I hate it. I hate feeling this helpless and vulnerable to this girl. Especially because she knows NONE OF THIS. We spoke over text the other night and I told her that back when we were in high school, I felt like she was the type of girl I could’ve seen myself dating. She responded with “You had so much times and many chances to move forward with that before I started dating blah blah”. Believe me, if I could go back in time, I would. The other night when I saw her, we went out to a bar to have a few drinks and just sit down and talk. It was amazing. She has such a beautiful smile and an awesome sense of humor. The worse part, is that when I drove her home, we just sat in the car and talked more. We were being really touchy with each other and what not, and st one point she put her hand on my face and we made eye contact and I thought about leaning in to kiss her. But as quickly as the thought entered my head, I shunned it, knowing that both of us were in a relationship to other people. But man it felt so right but at the same time wrong. I know that it’s u healthy to have her in my life, but I have such a hard time removing her from my thoughts. Besides my girlfriend, she’s the only person that I’ve shared one of my darkest secrets with. But anyway, I just wanted to put this out there. I think just sharing my situation with others will kind of help me deal with it. I know that the chances of me and her being together are slim, but I can’t say the thought doesn’t cross my mind from time to time. I think I’ve always known she was kind of the perfect girl for me. But damn and I a fool for not realizing it sooner. Thank you to those who’ve made it this far. I’d appreciate any comments or responses on your thoughts or opinions. God bless, RJR

Been there. And I don't really know what advice to give you. I had an "A" just like you. Never thought it would work out. She seemed perfect. And she was(or is). Turns out she liked me too. Now.... The problem is we both loved each other. And yeah, it can be a problem. Because I've never met anyone like this ever and I'm pretty sure my chances of meeting someone even close to that are slim. Hear me out. You know how you said you couldn't stop thinking about her even tough you never really dated/hanged out? Well yeah. Just imagine dating for a while, long enough to consider her your best friend and make delusional plans about your future togheter. And then some s&&t happens and you're forced to break up. Brother, let me tell you that if I knew I loved her like that and it would end up the way it did, I would have stayed as far as I possibly could from her. Because it took me a couple of months to start sleeping properly again. And yeah, I think about her every day, more than once. I try not to. F@@k, why did I open this thread? (rofl) (rofl) All jokes aside, you should know that if you really feel about her like you say you do, losing her would mess up your whole life. You're gambling here. Everything on 17 black. That's scary. But you also can't stop the thought of "what if?...". I know, I know. The best advice I can give you is- if you go for it, do everything you possibly can not to lose her. Play your cards right!