Hurt lost conflicted

I have been in a mentally abusive marraige for 2 yrs. I came from a home where this was the way things are. Husband gets what he wants in spite what or who it hurt or cost only to leave with everything and family on street when nothing more can be given to him. Its hard for me to break that mind set after growing up in it no matter how hard i try or know and tell myself its wrong. I thought it was just a simple issue but its growing worse continuously just like what i watched growing up. The lies go deeper, reasons and escuses grow thinner. I found out he was having online affairs only months after married. He swore it was over and never again. Only a year latter to find it was a lie and even escalated to the point of multiple online women (including 18 yr olds) and ranged from flirting, sexting, paid services, live chats, etc... I threatened to leave and began gathering my things only for him to turn the tables on me and make it my fault. Unfortunately even knowing better i fell. Then with encouragement from friend got an appt with lawyer to divorce only to be made feel like i was to blame again and him swearing false promises of getting help and ending everything for good.' I was promised 'marriage counselling, full access to his phone, and a new slate. 'I got 'him going to 5 personal