Problems & talks

I recently posted another issue on here and got some really good advice on it. The advice was just to talk and communicate with my boyfriend about how I've been feeling lately he and I, which I found to be a really good idea. However, I won't be seeing him for some one-on-one time this weekend, as he's got a friend staying with him for family troubles. I was texting him today and mentioned, in these words, that "I need to talk to you about us a little," and when he offered to talk right at that moment, I explained to him that it was not something I wanted to talk about over a text. He was very understanding about that, but I can tell that I may have gotten his mind going about me possibly breaking up with him. I don't have any intention to, and I know that he wouldn't want to, either. My question is, is it okay that I may have accidentally spooked him a little? During the text, I made sure to tell him that no, it wasn't something he did wrong and that yes, I loved him (and I do), but that it was something better talked about in person. Now we're fine and having a totally different conversation. Any advice or input?

Also, I've been kind of feeling like he hasn't really noticed me lately and has been kind of forgetting that just because we're dating, doesn't mean it's time to just get comfortable and slow down a bit, if that makes sense. The reason I was wondering if it was alright is because I want him to remember that I'm not just going to stick around if my needs aren't being met in a relationship, no matter how much I love him. I do intend to explain that when I finally get to talk to him about it, and hopefully we can figure some things out.

I think I was the guy who suggested you discuss everything with him. If so, I'm glad you feel so positively about the advice I gave! I hope it made you feel a little better, at least. As far as possible spooking him goes, any time we as guys hear that our woman wants to have a serious conversation about "us" it causes some concern. That extra bit of assuring you did to make him less afraid probably went a really long way, though. He seems like a pretty reasonable guy so I think what you're doing is right. I'm interested in how this works out in two ways. 1) I obviously would like things to turn out for the best with you guys because you're in love and 2) I joined this site because I was considering getting help with my relationship problems. If your situation turns out to be a positive one, I kinda think it might give me the assurance I need to maybe ask for help here too. Keep me posted, if possible.

I actually ended up explaining to him that I was a little bit worried that I'd get myself into a year (or more, obviously) long relationship and that at the end of it it wouldn't be for anything, and that I cared for him very much and that I was a bit worried it'd end up like the last relationship I was in (which, yes, I know it's not always great to bring that part about the last relationship up, but hey, I'm human!) and did he see us even going anywhere? He answered that yes, of course he saw us going somewhere. He explained to me that he loves me too much to not consider me in any decision he makes and, long story short, the conversation ended fine.

I apologize if I seem like one of those people who always have issues, but honestly, in reality, who doesn't have issues? I'm going through a little bit of a rough time right now and all that, so I really appreciate the advice you are giving me. Thanks so much!

Wow, if I didn't know better, I'd think I wrote your original post. My BF and I have been together 2+ years, and while we are best friends and overall get along great, lately I feel like I've been making drama....needy, sad, want more attention, especially in bed. I am VERY giving in bed, he used to be....now he just kinda lays there. It'd be funny if it didn't make me cry! Bit of background: he's younger than me, wasn't experienced w/ a GF before. BUT he was amazing in bed during the first year. He blames it on lots of things, right now, like lack of time. But why can I always find time to give him a 20 min. bj, and that's just the foreplay. Anyways, sorry for being graphic, but I don't know what to do. Every now and then my saddness builds up, we talk about it, he says he understands and he'll take the time and play with me. Then the weekend comes along (when we have time) and there's always some reason he doesn't. He thinks that 2 mins. of foreplay is all I need. I'm tryng to figure out why this is such a big deal to me. In a previous long term relationship, I didn't care much at all for sex, especially when the relationship started to turn sour. Could it be my BF just doesn't care for me the way I care for him? No he isn't cheating, we are very open about that and with talking. He does spend a huge amount of time (like young guys do) looking at pics of girls w/ big boobs, and mine are not big. I feel like he no longer desires me now that he's "gotten it out of his system". I also agonize about my small boobs (never did before, but now that I'm with someone who kept wishing for them, it is so hard). I wonder if this is all hopeless with me and him? No, I can't talk to him about this, I have tried so many times before, it gets me no where. Guys and girls perspectives would be great!

Geez! And here I thought I was the only one with problems. I've been doing the same thing; feel as though I've been too needy, haven't given enough back to him as he has given to me (as he has been everything I need from somebody, a rock, a best friend, a boyfriend, a caregiver, I feel as though I take too much and don't give enough back), but in my one piece of defense, I've been going through a rough time the past few months and feel as some of it should be looked past, and he agrees with it. We never fight, but I've been too sensitive lately. I feel like he's too good for me, although he assures me, very sincerely, that that is not the case. Something I'd like to point out, though; I have a small chest as well. Although guys go on about liking all the big chested women of the world, I've been told many times that men are just happy to be able to see any breasts at all, and the size is not such an important factor as one may be lead to believe. My boyfriend, for example, is just fine. However, sometimes I do feel like he only pays me the most attention when we're together sexually, and he becomes lazy and "comfortable" as he puts it when we aren't. He assures me that it's not that I'm boring, it's just that I'm comfortable to be around and it's warm and the lights are dimmed and he gets a little sleepy.. Which I understand, but c'mon.. Can't you wake up a little for ME?? In your boyfriend's case, it seems to be the opposite. Although, mine thinks 2 minutes of foreplay and jumping right in works too. Maybe he's grown tired of the same old routine? I'd suggest trying something totally new that might help him get interested again. Maybe ask him to lay off the graphic pictures a little more often and save himself for you, or make yourself more desirable by teasing him a bit and then taking away the offer. Hope this helps, or at least gives you something to relate to!

It sounds to me as if you are naturally moving away from the initial stages of a relationship (where it is all sex and excitement) into a the next phase which is more about being comfortable with each other, and maybe this is not what you want? It sounds like you are bored to be honest. Maybe you are not ready for a serious commitment yet? I don't really see anything else wrong you seem very level headed actually and your bf sounds the same. Another possibility is maybe you are looking for more security than you have at the moment. The problem is you won't get that with sex - sorry. Marriage is probably the best option if you are looking for security in your relationship, and a better idea of where he stands, if he is in this for the long haul or just happy with sex and nothing more.