Help I cheated on my boyfriend when I got super drunk. Plz help me

Okay so basically I went to a rave last night with my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend got there but first we bought alcohol, he bought 4 cans a beer even tho i dont drink beer and he finished all of it, then we went to the bathroom after. After that we tried our best to get to the front because that's where all the fun is because it's the closest to the stage. Okay let me begin, we get to the front of the crowd, and about 10 mins in, i get sober af, so i ask him "let's go get a drink im sober", then he said to me "we just came back from there, I don;t want to leave the front" and i asked him a few more times to come with me but he didnt listen, he told me if i leave him, i wont be able to find him again, which was true because there were thousands of people there. I asked him AGAIN to come with me and he said no because he rather stay in the front because he didnt want to lose his spot (btw i dont have a cell phone so finding him would be a challenge). I did not want to stand there sober, so i left him, but then when i came out of the crowd i sat on the side waiting for him to come find me, but he didn't and it made me reallyyyy sad, i was about to cry. after sitting there all lonely, this girl who was on drugs comes besides me and shes acting crazy, i felt bad so i took care of her because if I was in that position i would want someone to take care of me too. Her boyfriend came after and thanked me for taking care of her. I stayed with them for a while making sure shes okay, made sure she still had fun and most importantly to make sure she didnt do anything crazy. I got one of their half empty drinks and drank it (i think this was a mistake cuz i think it was spiked) but after they thanked me for being her "saviour" and we went to the bar and they bought me more drinks, I drank them and at this point i was fucked. We go to the bathroom and I was telling peopel how my boyfriend ditched me and how I was sad, everyone was shocked and said "who would leave someone as pretty as you". Then after I see someone I knew from jr high and i hugged them and kissed them on the cheek, it wasnt sexual but i though the was hot and hes super nice too he jsut smiled and i said goodbye BUT THEN, i was in line for the bathroom and this really hot guy starts talking to me and he was kinda flirting with me, idk why but i said this : Do you want to kiss? I CANT BELIEVE I SAID THAT cuz then hes like "u know i havent kissed someoen in a long time", but then we started making out and he was grabbing my bum saying how nice it was. After he asked me for my social media and I said i dont have it because i cant believe what I had done and tbh he was kind of being rapey, i wanted to get away from him, so We held hands after but i ran away and got lost in the crowd. I managed to get to the front of the crowd and I absolutely hated it because everyone was pushing, i couldnt really breathe and u cant dance because it is so squished. and a sad song came on and it touched my heart, i started crying because of how beautiful it was, it was amazing. Then I was like wait my boyfriend didnt even come to try and find me and it has been like 2 hours, like who the heck would do that?? I started crying and stopped acting happy, so basically i was frozen and everyone else around me was dancing. at this point i wanted to go home, the security saw that it was weird of me not to be dancing so they came up to me asking if im okay and i told them that i wanted to leave, so they literally carried me and i got over the barrier. I was planning on going home, i started walking with teh security guards, it looked like I was getting kicked out but I wasnt, but then i see my boyfriend at the front on the other side.. I realized i should go to him so i try AGAIN To go to the very front and i met some friends again along the way. Okay so I get to the front and I was behind him the whole time, he tried to kiss me but I didn't want to.. The last song comes on, it was such a nice song, all the lyrics were speaking to me and how I felt at that moment, I started crying AGAIN but I was crying because I realized I wasted my time trying to find my boyfriend when he didnt give af about me, he only cared about himself. I was soooo sad like i try my best to love him and be with him but after that day i couldnt look at him the same idk Okay right after the concert was done, I run away from him because im so hurt, then I started pewking, it was like white foam and it made me realize that I got drugged cuz that isnt normal, and my boyfriend kept trying to hold me and I was pushing him away and walking away from him and he told me to stop because he looked kind of rapey, i finally did stop, but I was really upset After we got to the train, he made sure i got home safely, he got off at the station with me but I could not give him a ride because my parents dont like him, so he ended up going home himself but he was sober so it was fine.. The next day I was sooooo upset at how he treated me, but I was shocked at how i cheated on him, like if I was sober I would NEVER have done that, it wasnt my intention to cheat, but the way he just let me leave like that and left me stranded and didnt even try to find me really fucking hurt my feelings. I regret cheating on him so much, I dont know what to do because I cant tell him because he'll only care about the kissing and then dump me, but he called me selfish and ungrateful cuz he made sure i was home safe, but honestly he only cares about himself and i know this sounds bad but it is kind of his fault for leaving me alone because none of that would ever happen. Im so hurt but im also so upset and stressed out because what i did was wrong, im not defending it but it happened, Im not going to tell him. I jsut dont know what to do, can someone please give me advice????? I feel so weird right now

Well my boyfriend knows that I can easily be taken advantage of, when Im drunk i am the dumbest person ever. I'll do anything if someone asks me too. He knows that himself but he still wanted to stay at the front, which really upset me because he didnt ONCE try to find me or wonder hey wheres my girlfriend? it's been 2 hours shes gone. I guess I did cheat because we kissed, but I didn't want it because I knew it was wrong, but in my head I already was thinking of breaking up with him and I was telling people that if they asked, because that's how hurt I was. I said to the guy let's kiss then said jk right after and hes like no u cant take it back. so it happened, and I wanted to leave, but i still liked the affection I was getting because at least someone cared about me, they even tried to stay with me, unlike my boyfriend... I don't drink like this often, it's only sometimes because I never get the chance to drink. I think I just went overboard, but I didn't think 2 cans of 5 percent drinks would fuck me up from being sober to completley fucked. I didn't blackout, I do remember most things but idk.. and thankyou for your advice

you asy your boyfriend left you but he didnt. you left him. You say he was being selfish and thats its all about him and he didnt care about you. but from what i read, its all about you. He didnt want to do what you wanted to do, so you left him to do it anyway. Then you went and flirted with another man because you weren't getting any attention, and felt bad about it, blaming it on a "spiked drink" or whatever. I think its actually you who needs to start thinking of people other than yourself to be honest. But seriously, you guys need to talk. You sound like you just went off the rails and upset yourself, but really he probably just wanted to enjoy the concert.

You're right, I realized all of that after a few days. I broke up with him because what I did was wrong, I told him and he didn't care that much anyways, so it was for the best. Thanks!

honestly idk if i really loved him. We went through a lot. He kind of killed my confidence, he always made fun of my body and said i was too skinny and had no ass, so i started working out and he still stared at other girls in front of me and he saved pictures of naked girls on his phone and bitched at me when i asked him about it. Idk if it was love :( We even got back togehter before the rave and then when we were at the rave I was upset that he wasnt giving me the attention that I wanted, but even if he had to go somewhere i would go with him because idk I feel like that is the right thing to do.. I guess im still bitter even tho im kind of at fault

I feel so unappreciated, I just wanted someone who loves me and only me. like i HATE when guys follow slutty ig models on instagram, I find it so disgusting, also i had to tell him to stop sooooooooooooo many times, there was a cycle of me crying and heartbrokenn and him promising hell never do it again and I always believed him. He had both, mine and other girls, but why would you even keep pics of other girls if you're dating, that doesn't make sense to me. and thankyou <3