Lost, what can I do???

I am new here and hope I can find help. I have been married for over 30 yrs. our love life over the past almost 18 yrs has been rather poor. I now understand this is because my husband has chossen porn over me and our life together. I am not over weight and I work out, people have told me I am very pretty or beautiful, I feel ugly and fat as my husband no longer has sex with me. We have talked about this many times over the years, things would get better for awhile. Now that we are alone and on our own again I thought we could start living our life together free wheeling and fun again. Only to find out that he is more into porn then me, we have not had sex now in over a YEAR!!!! My heart is breaking and with all I have gone through the past 12 years I just can not take any more. I have no more fight in me. I am not leaving as so close to retirement and all our money plans together. I need to have money for my son who was disabled in an accident. I just do not know what to do.

you are right about it all! He was very depressed and would not talk to the Dr. about it and I was or we both were focused on our son. Now he has moved out with a friend and my husband just retired. I want our life back. I had thought about a male counselor also, I just am not up to through that but my husband should and needs to. We have 2 vacations coming up and that will help also, I am not looking forward to them as I am so hurt. I guess I just want to have it easy and I am asking life to be easy??? How strange of me to think that life is ever easy it takes strength and loving yourself. I am so happy you answered me. I guess I better pull my boot straps on and get to work.