Feeling like I am stuck

I am a 34 year old female and I feel like I am stuck in life right now. I do not know what I want to do or where I want to go. I recently ended a 4 year relationship and it has broken me. I put on a fake smile everyday but I feel like I am dying on the inside. I left the state to get away from him and I hate it here. I am not working at the moment because I do not know how long I plan to be here. I have a bad habit of leaving when shit gets bad. I want to break that habit but it is all that I know. I run from my problems. I do not have any kids so it's not like I can't do it. How do I let go of the pain and anger that I have inside me? I stay in my room all day long and don't talk to anyone. I want to sleep all the time. I am in a depressed state. Everything seems to make me angry or sad. I don't trust people so I won't talk about what is going on with me. There are days that I feel that if I just end it all then it will be better. I feel like there is no purpose for me here anymore. I am broken. All that comes from me is bad. I used to cut and I don't want to go back down that road. I want to be happy again or at least have some kind of light in my life. I am tired of being tired and living in a dark place. This is NOT an attempt to get attention. I just need to get some shit off my chest. I don't want to self destruct. I am just tired of being tired.

a forum is probably a good place for you to start with if you have trouble trusting people and i (anyone else) know it’s not attention seeking. The good thing is you realise your not in a good place and even though you stay in you room all day long and don’t work you seem to know it’s not healthy. I think you let go of pain by learning to help your self. But you do have to let your self get over him. How long ago did you end this relationship? And the reasons please. :-)

We broke up back in September due to major issues. Me not losing weight quick enough for him. Not having a “high paying” job. Me not having a sex drive (due to BC) and a lot more. I was an assistant manager at a retail store. I asked several times if there was another woman and he always said no. Which was a lie that I found out after the fact. We broke up last year right before our anniversary for like 3 months and I was heartbroken and cried daily missing him. But this time is different...I have not shed a single tear. It’s more anger than anything that I feel towards him. I was able to access his social media (biggest mistake) and find evidence that he indeed was cheating throughout our relationship (4 years).

Hi, This time is different and there are no tears because you clearly had enough and I can understand why you’re angry now. You still need to get over him though. Him having issues about your weight and the type of job you had is disgusting. Was he ever encouraging (in the right way) or just nasty and name calling? With the no s*x it sounds like you were distancing yourself from him more and more. Good news is your rid of him now :-). Could you please google narcissistic personality disorder? (NPD) See if he ticks the traits, I’m pretty certain he does, but you know him. These kind of people leave you with no self confidence/ low self esteem. They lie and play mind games. And just horrible people.