An affair made me question my marriage

I’ve been with my man since we were 16. That was 12 years ago. Neither of us ever saw anyone else or had any other intimate relations. He decided to cheat on me a couple years ago and we got past it. Six months ago I started having a purely physical relationship with a friends because it was fun and he really pushed me into it. I guess he made me feel more excited and passionate than I’d felt in awhile. I still love my husband and we have really good regular sex. When my lover went away for a few months, things started to get back to normal with my husband. My lover unexpectedly came back home recently and we hooked up. Days ago I felt so good with my husband but I can’t figure out what’s got me so confused. I feel like I’m searching for this appraisal from my lover because I’ve never reeeeally been with anyone else... maybe it’s just the danger and passion ive never felt. I want to message him and see him but I know it’s so wrong. I really do love my husband but I can’t help but feel this isn’t normal. We were so good a few days prior to him coming back. This lover is just so persistent and passionate so it was hard for me as I was always kind of curious as to what someone else would be like. I don’t have anything deeper with him as I know deep down I would never want anything more from him. Where do I go from here? I know I need to cut ties but I don’t know why that’s so hard. I wish I never would have started it in the first place.

You don't love your husband. Not in the way it takes to stay married. If you did, you never would have started an affair, let alone continued with it. How would you feel if you found out he'd been doing what you have? Would you feel loved? Appreciated? Respected? If you want to continue the affair, you need to end the marriage. Now. If you want to stay married, end the affair. For good. At the very least, you need to tell your husband what you've been doing. At least stop letting him believe you've been faithful. At least then he could make an informed decision for himself. And you'd likely be free to do as you wish without it desteoying the person you say you love.