Am I delusional

After having a 10 year affair with married man..he told me she moved out.I asked very clearly if they were still sleeping together..he said no..he slept there for holidays ..other weekends..he says it was for the kids who are..19.20.24..i didn't believe him..i asked again..i accused..he denied vehemently..he accused me of being insecure..i eventually apologized and promised not to accuse him again..he later confessed..said he still loves her and she even sleeps over once a week.im not angry that he's sleeping with her..but that he lied over and over..his sexual behavior changed with me..and he feels I have no right to be angry because it's his wife.He became very defensive and stated we will not talk about it again..Im heartbroken..and haven't spoken to him..he hasn't reached out to me.He said I am his best friend..and sex with him is my decision..what does this mean..did he ever love me?