Absolutely ashamed!

It has taken alot of courage to talk about this. I am a married man of 12 years with 2 beautiful kids. I have been unfaithful from the 2nd year of marriage to my Wife. I love my Wife dearly but could not help my philandering ways. I used to have one night stands and flings. Then I met this girl in 2008. We clicked. Of coz after a few meetups. We started hooking up. It happened a few times and I decided to stop. I misplaced her contact therefore couldn’t contact her till 2 years ago. I managed to find her in FB and messaged her. We started talking and the affair began! I would look for her once or twice a month. She will deny 90% of the times. But I continued to pursue her. She wanted out many times. I did not let her go. I did not want to be with this girl but I could not let her go either. I was very selfish! Even when she talked to my friends I would get jealous and blow my top and ruin her night. I’ve done so much more to her. I can’t even put it out here. One night when we were out, I saw another female Friend of mine. And I continued to hang out with this girl and ignored my AP completely. I was drunk. When she wanted to leave, we had a huge argument because I wanted to stay on and I thought she wanted me to leave with her. I embarrassed her in front of my Friend. Told her I love her and asked her to go home and I’ll contact her in 30 min which I obviously did not. The next few days I tried to reach her and she refused to talk to me. Finally I received a text saying that she wanted out as we were both very different people. I begged her to meet me one last time. Met her; we talked it out; hooked up; Before we left, she asked if we are stopping or continuing? That sort of pissed me off (don’t know why). I snapped and told her it was off. She obviously was very hurt and said that I had used her. I did not apologise and just left. 2 days later my Wife received an email telling her about the night with the other girl (not my AP) and how close I and her were. My AP also received messages telling her to come clean with my Wife. Of course my Wife questioned me but she decided to believe me instead of an anonymous tipoff. I immediately ended things with my AP because I thought she was the one who sent those meaaages. All messages were vague and no details about my affair or affair partner had been mentioned. The other girl on the other hand has been receiving harassing messages till now. My wife’s and AP’s messages stopped in 2018 June. I don’t know what to think. Is my AP the one sending the messages? What should I do? Ashamed

You should be honest with your wife. If you "can't help your philandering ways", you need to end the marriage. This is completely unfair to your wife, and you need to stop lying to the person you chose to vow to honor, and spend the rest of your life with. And deep down, you already know that. Stop being so selfish, and/or stay single.