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I can't smile

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So how should i start? Am 15 years old and i can't smile.I suffer from depression and social anxiety . Actually i have that from many years but this year i am more depressed than I've ever been.I cry constantly. think about suicide just as much. I consider my self pretty enough based on social acceptance аnd what people like. You would've guessed that i have lots of friends but i don't.I know that you don't need a lot of people to be happy and stuff but from a young age all I've ever wanted was to be liked. I was and I'am still nice to everybody i don't fight with anybody i help as much as i can and i would NEVER EVER HURT ANYONE ( physically оr mentally). I think that even my friends don't even like me ! That they are with me just because i help them and give them money when they need it. It's just so depressing to think .. no .. to know that everyone gust uses you and then trows you out like some garbage. to see that they do everything for each other but to refuse to help you when you really need help. That's not friendship i know am not that dumb but if im not with them i don't have anyone . AND I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE.I WANT TO BE HAPPY.I WANT SOME RESPECT THAT'S ALL AM ASKING FOR!I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO SMILE...

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