In an unrequited love with my father’s friend

First of all hi! I’ve come to this forum after thinking a lot about this problem. This started off as a crush when I was a kid maybe 13 or 14 I can say that was the first time i saw someone and was completely in love but as a kid I didn’t know that much so I shrugged it off then he used to come to our house and I would take a peek to look at him 2 yrs went by and I lived in the fantasy of getting married to him one day but now(20) and( he should be around 42 I guess) I realize how stupid I was to think that something like this is possible but somehow I still can’t stop thinking about him, even when I try to I just can’t, if someone confesses to me o completely reject them thinking that im not doing right to him he’s the only one I love. I can’t decide now if im in love or I just want to hang onto him like that, every other guy I meet I compare them to him even though I haven’t seen him for years. This is seriously making me go crazy. should I just confes to him so this huge burden is lifted from my heart or should I just let everything be as they are because I literally don’t know what to do about this

Hanging onto him as he’s the only one for me and one day he will be mine that is a comeplete lie that I tell myself. You think I haven’t tried giving other people chance but at the end of the day those guys are nothing compared to him he’s like the dream guy plus he’s not married which makes it more hard to forget about him And they’re not BFs they’re just friends they met through a mutual friend so yeah Im thinking of confessing to him through a call or something and I know he’s gonna reject me and maybe that’s good for me, maybe that’s what I want to move on. Should I do it?

it’s not that easy. And from the society I belong to fathers aren’t really matchmakers not with their friends exactly. He won’t ever flirt with me knowing whose daughter I am. He really respects my father. Well I’ve pulled a stupid stunt of “flirting” at 14 with him and that did not go well he told my father, my father almost killed me (jk) but then it got settled so is flirting a good idea again? And how do you manage two guys at the same time? And of different ages it must be hard but um wow!

My father was angry, of course. Of course he forbade my feelings for his friends I mean I was fourteen and he was still very old than me. Ikr like why would he do that he would’ve told me instead that I shouldn’t do it but no he had to tell my father! Now I just wanna hate him