How to deal with controlling adult daughter when it comes to my life

My daughter can be very controlling...it's her way or the highway sometimes. In some sense, she is immature (and possibly spoiled), even though she is 26 y/o. She lives with her boyfriend far from home, but she's on my case often about what I eat and who I date. I am a widow so maybe that has something to do with it. I'm sort of at my wits end. After dating the same man for several years, she has made it clear she really dislikes him and can't see what I see in him. I realize he doesn't have a lot of money (and I'm financially very settled) and that he has had financial issues in the past, but he seems to have recovered and I've know him and his family for many years so he's not some kook out there. Whenever he tries reaching out to her, she freaks and she also freaks when she hears I'm with him. To be transparent, he did get "into trouble" many years ago for a financial matter, and maybe she's ashamed if I'm with him? She yells and hangs up the phone on me when his name comes up. I'm happy with him and he has been very good to me and my son. He wants to be part of my family and me be a part of his. I may want to live with him (he already wants to live with me) and I'm not stupid and realize I need to do some legal work to protect my finances. Other than avoiding his name, I feel that I just need to tell her to back off (nicely but firmly). This is my life not hers and I'm very hurt and disappointed that she is behaving this way. Does anyone have any other thoughts?

This must be very difficult to deal with. I can’t imagine how your daughter can be so disrespectful and rude to you. You did mention that you feel that she is (spoiled) and (controlling), do you know or have any idea how she became picking up these bad characteristics and mannerisms….? I am sure you love your daughter but she needs to understand that what decisions and choices you make is your decisions and not (hers)!!! I do not know why she can have the audacity to tell ANYONE who you can and cannot see or how you spend your money that you earn. I think that you need to sit down with your daughter and inform her that you are not going to tolerate this type of behavior from her anymore in this demanding and controlling environment when you see her and spend time with her. You might want to also ask her that she is not helping you out as she is putting a great strain in your relationship with her and that there is a difference between guiding and assisting and forcing and doing. I wish you the best of luck!!! I hope to hear from you on any progress or status updates from you. We are all hear to help :)