Sex life terrible... Feeling unsatisfied but partner seems unbothered

My partner and I have been together almost 4 years and we have a great relationship. But I have always felt like the sex has been just OK, sometimes he doesn’t even turn me on anymore. I’ve tried dropping small hints here and there and I’ve never really liked the way he kisses and never been able to tell him. For the past couple of years I have been thinking about the guy I was sleeping with before him as the sex with him was amazing, I even stalk him on Facebook and think about messaging him, but I don’t cos I know it’s wrong and I’d hate it if my partner did that! But I’ve forgotten about that guy now like I’m not obsessing over the thought of him anymore, which is good but I think it’s only because I have a new distraction. So last week I had sex with my partner and for some reason I just felt really grossed out by him and didn’t enjoy it at all. Couple of days later a really handsome guy messages me on this game app so I decide to reply, and it’s quite civil and friendly.. no harm in that. But things start to get heated (no sex talk or anything) after exchanging pics he said I’m so beautiful and that my partner is lucky to have me etc and I find myself extremely attracted to him as well. I feel so strongly about him that I’m not thinking straight anymore and honestly thinking about cheating or even leaving my partner who I love more than anything! It’s just the sex is so bad! I don’t know what to do.. I hope someone can help me... PS this game app guy doesn’t even live in the same country but I seriously think he’d fly over just to see me if I told him to!

If you love the man you are with and you are not enjoying your sex life, then you need to talk to him about it and be HONEST. You can be subtle about it in saying "Hey do you want to watch some porn with me?" but first find the porn that you feel is what you want him to do to you? Show him by saying "wow I would like that with us?" You can also teach him while in bed, that is easy really... make noises when he does something you like and talk to him while making love. Don't make noises when you are not happy. Of course telling a man that he is hopeless in bed will be a big mistake .... but not enjoying sex is such a shame .... If he doesn't get it move on...

Ok so I ditched the guy I was talking to and am now totally focused on repairing my relationship! I love my man more than anything and he nearly has everything I want in a man. But the things he doesn’t have I don’t have either so I definitely cannot complain there. We are both a little overweight and both struggle to communicate our sexual needs.. although I can’t really speak for him because he seems unbothered and satisfied with how things are - it is me that wants to make the changes for the better. Now he doesn’t really have length or girth and when he’s inside I barely feel anything. I once mentioned to him he could try a penis extender and he said no way he’s not into that stuff and then went all quiet and I know he was upset with his manhood. I don’t know how to approach him with this at all since he doesn’t like toys, and how is he meant to hit my g spot during sex?

Also I forgot to mention that I do watch porn and please myself whenever I’m home alone (not that often) to fill the void, he doesn’t even know about it, I mainly watch male with female but focus on the female (I’m bisexual) and he honestly doesn’t really know that either. I told him I watch porn right at the beginning of our relationship and he pretty much said OK, turned over and went to sleep.

Hi Jaded, I am surprised that your partner is not aware that you are unsatisfied? I am a more middle aged male in age and based on my past and current partner they inform me that nearly all the men they have had sexual relations with want or hope that the female partner is sexually satisfied. I guess i have always been fairly open about talking sex with my partner and most women are the same back. In terms of G-Spot as you know it is not that far inside the vagina, so length is not the issue. Sure they say it's not the size, it's how you use it! That said size can be an issue with some women, if they have had a child or the man's penis is very small. So I recommend different positions, based on the information i would recommend 2 positions ... Doggy Style but, you must lay your head on the bed and have your legs closed, this will hopefully help with the Girth and hit your g-spot while you play with your clitoris. and position would be, lay on your back with your legs around his head, again legs closed as much as possible but it will take some stretching for you. In terms of being overweight, I would suggest that you both change your diets and go for walks, as they say you feel sexy in the skin you are in. Of course even light gym workouts will work. I hope this gets past the moderators as this will help your sex life greatly. Good Luck.

Has my advice helped you? I hope things are better now?