My story

Got molested along with sister. Father was a drunk. Raped and beat my mother in front of me and my sister. Spent most of my early childhood in foster care or in protected facilities to prevent my dad from killing me and my family. (He had an attempt once or twice). Spent most of my late childhood getting beaten and bullied at school in Denmark because I was from Iceland (and probably kind of weird). Lived in poverty which means a lot of stress at home throughout my childhood. Started beating other kids to protect myself. I would beat them too severely for a child at my age (9-15). Moved a lot back and forth from Iceland and Denmark for years to come. Spent nearly every single second of my teenage years in drug abuse, violence and crimes. Get convicted of attempted murder at the age of 15 after my girlfriend gets raped by a 38 year old and I beat him within inches of his life with a big wrench. My dad dies when I am 17. Drug overdose. I am hospitalized due to drugs soon after. Stop the drug abuse at the age of 17 (took 4 rehabs) because I believe that if I ever want to become a 'real bad-ass' in other words, a gang lord, I must quit and control myself. At this point I am like my dad was. Injecting drugs instead of snorting/eating. Perhaps my dads death had something to do with my decision. Start weight lifting at the age of 17 and become quite buffed. Start working security jobs. I seek out the highest risk ones where I get into a fight at least twice a week. I seek out these jobs to soothe my 'lust?' for violence. Join the army in Denmark (I lived in Iceland) at the age of 19. Notice that I have a case of plantar fasciitis (a condition in your feet) making me unable to stand and walk for too long. I still do everything I am expected to do (and more many times) until I finish my training at the age of 20, 1 year later. At the age of 20 I need to resign from the Army due to my condition. I never get sent overseas and it torments me still to this day to not have been able to fulfil my job. In depression and self-loathing I catch up with a old friend from my home city in Denmark. I should remind that I was still clean at this point. I rent an apartment with him and I join a gang that he is associated with. In this gang, we do horrible things to people. I was stuck in the gang. Still age 20: My mothers alcoholic boyfriend cheats on her. This boyfriend has an arsenal of weapons like people don't see often. Hand grenades, exploding bullets, automatic shotguns, assault rifles, automatic handguns, scoped rifles, you name it. At this point I flee the gang and disappear to Iceland to protect my mother from this boyfriend in case he should strike. I get in touch with some of my most shady friends in Iceland to get backup during this time. We are armed and ready but he never strikes, thank god. Age 21: I am in Iceland and still hanging out with these friends since I decide to simply hang around in Iceland. I can't go back to Denmark since there's quite a vicious gang looking for me due to the information that I have about them and their organization. I start working as a telemarketer. I find out that I'm the best telemarketer around and I start getting quite some money. I get offered a manager position and I fulfil it quite nicely, but.. Long story short, I get screwed and someone literally takes my job from me. I get another telemarketer job with insane pay to due my reputation. I don't really care about the money. I still feel like a no one. I buy a Lexus with money borrowed from the bank and later me and my shady friends notice some huge business opportunities in drug dealing so I sold the Lexus to invest. We start buying amphetamines straight from the factory since we had quite the good contacts. We made good money but we weren't satisfied. We would import cocaine later on (Watch the movie 'blow' and you'll see exactly how it starts, I never became that big tho). I would be making TONS of money on the cocaine import. Everyone knew my name and I got a girlfriend and she felt like a queen because I would buy her anything she wanted and we had a great house and everything. If somebody even looked at her the wrong way he would be kneeling in front of her 10 seconds later. Here I am still 21 years old. This all happened very fast. I fall in love and decide that this isn't the life I want for me and my 'family'. I take a couple of months to get out of the whole thing. I end up buying myself out where I needed to. It's hard to explain, but once you become a drug lord, you can't simply say: 'Oh, I don't wanna do this anymore, good luck guys!'. I break up with my girlfriend later on because of good reasons. I still love her, but we couldn't be together. Alone, broke, both financially and heartbroken.. I decide against going back to who I was.. I was going to make it legally. I talk to my boss and I get to become a financial adviser with rigorious training. Later on, a friend approaches me with a LEGAL business opportunity and we start co operating with everything we do. Right now, I have gotten him a job doing the same thing as I do and we are making just as much dough as I did back in the day, but legally. We are setting up two companies, both excelling. We know more about money and finance generally than anyone our age that we have met. Note that none of us have an education. We are doing really great is what I'm trying to say. I'm still clean from drugs.. 4 years clean.. But I do get the occasional drink, but not more then once a week. -- I have left a whole lot of things out of course.. I've been in more than 100 fights (104 when I counted 2 years ago). I've commit crimes that are unthinkable but simply too many to write each and every one (I've stolen cars, boats and everything in between). The text that you've just read started out as a reminder to myself of who I am so I can face my fears and my past, but I thought that I might share it with the world anonymously to ask a question: What do you think of my story? What feelings does it invoke?

i really believe in this but its like a film.yeah ithink you are a brave person who has seen too much in his life and now to have the courage to talk about it,i think you must delete your past life mistakes,memories,i cant say that its easy,you have lost so many things and now its difficult to start a new life but believe in yourself,in god and everything will be ok