8th month abusive relationship
LIZZLE20 - May 3 2019 at 18:47
My bf is deeply inlove with me he is over protective and he has hit me once so so badly. He does everything else perfectly but he says his seeking help and wants to change. Do i believe him? And the relationship has become so toxic its worrying me. Can we still save this relationship and how do i let go :(
Hi- The answer is NO! Abusive men ALWAYS SAY ' I'M SO SORRY, I'LL SEEK HELP, I WILL CHANGE, Bull Crap. Once he has gotten away with the first hit, you are a sitting duck for more abuse. The rule "you hit me 1 time" I'm gone, period. You mentioned that he hit you "so so badly" where and how hard did he hit you? Did you require medical attention? It will happen again and again UNTIL YOU LEAVE. I'm not sure where you live; All Domestic abuse needs to be reported to the police. He will be arrested. Since you feel the relationship has become toxic; TIME TO LEAVE. Saving your life is more important than saving this relationship.
You also say "My BF is deeply in love with me" first of all Love does not hurt. Abusive men ALWAYS say " I love you" " I'm sorry" "I won't do this again" This is his sickness and the beginning of his control over you and your self esteem. I'm not sure if you can stand up to him now and tell him "If you ever try to hit me again, your ass is going to jail, period. If you can't confront him, then please plan your exit. THIS IS NOT LOVE...His over protective behavior is his way to intimidate and control you.
Please take this seriously and protect you yourself.
Hi, I know how u feel rn cause I've been thru that too about two months ago. My relationship with my ex was so toxic eventho we've been together for a year and half. A year and half didn't go smoothly, we broke up several times and got back together again in the end. He was so protective too and won't let me go eventho I said that I'm tired of him already. He became abusive too sometimes. Even on public. When I tried to walk away from him, he'll pull my hand roughly hold me so tight till my hand looks red and hurt. That's why I got back to him everytime we broke up cause he won't let me go. He just chased me until I gave up and willing to back with him so he would stop chasing me. I was always trapped.
One day I decided to break up with him, no matter what he would do to me, I tried not to be scared of him anymore. I wanted to break up not just because his abusive behavior sometimes, but also his bullshits he gave me, the way he treat me, how so hot and cold he is and the way he blocked my friends from me. I was really getting tired and just wanted to end it.
He ever said he needs help and wanted me to change him to be a better person. I tried, million times. I thought I'm the one who failed, so I gave him chances. So many chances. But he just didn't get along with it. He just followed in the begining, til he was bored and thought that everything is fine, he became the guy who he really is again. He wasted his chances. Even I warned him it was his last chance but he just underestimate me, so I prove him that he was wrong. Then we broke up. My final broke up with him.
And just like my previous broke ups, he chased me again. Spamming my social media. Playing words. Even made me almost get back to him. Most of the times, my friends helped me to get away from him. But I can't always have my friends back, right? To get thru this I had to be able to stand for myself in case if I happen to meet him just the two of us alone without any of my friends around to help. And it happened! He wanted to meet me alone. We met at a fastfood restaurant. And that moment was the moment that I almost losing myself. I almost weaken. But God I'm glad I could get thru it.
And after that day he threatened me. He said he'd kill me, suicide, kill whoever guy that close to me, ruin my life. Turned out it was just gimmicks. I got so scared tho when he said he'd kill himself. I cried everynight and pray to God he wouldn't do that. I'm glad he's still alive. Then one day he texted me he said that he already got a new one. Well I knew he did cause he got many back ups when we still together.
You can say that if you still wanna be with him but you know your relationship is toxic then you should give him chance(s) till you're tired(ykwim).
He said he needs help, then help him but you must know till when you're gonna help him. If it turns out there is no improvement in him and between both of you then it's just an excuse he wanted you to believe.
And when you feel tired of him eventho you still love him or not but he won't let you go(just like my case) then you should be able to stand by yourself, you must be focus on what you wanted, don't let his words bring you back to him, if you want this to be over then over it,no looking back, it weakens you(this is the hardest thing to do you know), ask your friends help to get away from him (and this is the best way to move on easily), block all of his contacts so you won't be bothered by him.
Well, that's all. I'm sorry if I had to tell you my experience too cause I've experienced your prob. Hope this helps you.
If it was just that he was overprotective and the relationship was becoming toxic I might say. "Sure, believe him, stand by him, help him help himself".
But physical violence in a relationship is not ok. It's great that he's getting help, but you need to look after your physical and emotional health here.
How to let go? I assume you mean in an emotional sense rather than the practical ways (women's shelters etc.)
There are no cheatcodes for life. I can only say, with time, concerted effort and great difficulty. You might get lucky and wake up one day to find your feelings are gone (I have experienced this miracle before), but generally letting go of someone you love is just gonna kind of, suck.
That's kind of a depressing note to end on I'm sorry lol. But you can probably guess from my username that's where I'm at in my life for the moment.
Thank you all so much i really appreciate the advise and support. This website is amazing. As we all ve our problems and helping eachother out. Thanks i have made my choice although so hard its hurting me alot cause i am always so optimistic about him...Thanks guys i love you all so much for being here when i need it
I can relate, I'm always optimistic and I see the best parts in everyone and I'm very quick to forgive.
I recently broke up with my long distance gf. It was incredibly hard at first but it's now been 2 weeks since we last spoke and I feel fine.
She didn't fully appreciate how good she had it with me so I think she needs time to gain some life experience.
The frontal lobe of the brain doesn't fully develope until the mid twenties so I think next time I have feelings for anyone younger than say 23 or 24 I might just give it a miss.. since the worst thing about my breakup is I feel like I wasted so much time on her.
Anyhow that's irrelevant to you. My point is time makes everything easier to deal with.