I messed up

I have unknowingly been acting cold and distant towards someone that means very much to me. He has been talking to me less because of this and I noticed. Instead of taking myself into account I got upset with him and completely blew up, saying that he didn't like me anymore and that I was going to leave. I instantly regretted it. He, justly so, is very upset with me. I accept that it is my fault and I should not have done it. He says he doesn't know where things will go from here. I am desperate to fix things. I don't know what I would do without him. He is my best friend. What can I do? Is there anything I can do? He lives in another country and I can't fly over and talk to him in person. I can only take what I can get from here and I am devastated. I have told him how ai felt and that I knew I shouldnt have done it. I regret it with all of my heart. I am so terrified that he is going to disappear from my life.

I’m sorry to hear this. Have you explained your situation and spoken your truth? If you have done everything in your power to apologize, ask for forgiveness, and take responsibility, the next step is on him. You can’t force him to accept your apology, but if you have the ability to speak with him via IM, DM, text, email, phone calls, or video chatting, I would. If your relationship is truly that special, he won’t give it up that easily. Maybe he just needs a little time to think it through. I would explain your feelings before and after the outburst to him and ask for forgiveness as a start. Good luck!

Thank you for your response. I have asked for forgiveness and have told him that it is my fault. I have explained to him everything and he is aware of my almost crippling anxiety. Prior to this I went through a divorce in which I was cheated on and lied to and have since had terrible anxiety in relationships, which is wrong if they don't deserve it. Which he didn't. I am at a loss. He says "we'll see where this goes/what happens" and to me all I can hear is that he's going to decide he doesn't want me anymore. I am struggling with guilt and what I've done.

Remember you cannot control the situation or his response. You can only control your reaction. Keep calm and maintain a level of inner peace and remorse for your words. Take a few deep breaths and know that you are trying your best. :) Anxiety is terrible and I understand how you feel. It may seem bed now, but this, too, shall pass.