Wasted existence, squanderer potential

After several years of working abroad, I decided it was time to quit. My employer offered me terrible conditions and there is supposedly almost zero unemployment in my country (3.something %); why not go back and look for work at home? Everyone who meets me, will tell me how brilliant I am. I worked successfully five years in Shanghai as a project manager, I am fluent in three languages (yeah, one of them Chinese), intelligent, analytical, quick in mind, willing to take on responsibility, great communication skills, eloquent, fast learner, good with people from all over the world, funny (if that even matters). My old colleagues miss having me around. I'm also kinda pretty. I've also been unemployed for almost a year. All those companies would go on how interesting it was to read my cover letters, talk to me on the phone or how engaging and great the interview went, but unfortunately... but they are certain, someone like me will find a position in no time. I've applied at companies with ties to China, I applied to companies, who worked in a very much different field (read carrier change). I'm someone, who actually always cared more about her career than anything else, still do. And by the look of things, I pretty much failed at the thing I valued most. I always had the feeling I'd be one of those people, who either will achieve great things or end up as alcoholics with squandered great potential (not many women among those normally, speaking of one more broken glass ceiling). Apparently I'm destined to be the latter. Don't really care about that. Don't really care about going on living. Today I held a blade at my neck and it felt... right? I so don't see a reason why I should continue with this misery

Hello MMCAT, The night is darker just before the sunrise. Look for something that you truly enjoy and head for it. Use LinkedIn to land a new job. That's a great platform to have your profile seen by thousands of potential employers. I'm sure you'll find something that makes you thrive for excellence! Stay strong and keep walking! Good luck!

Please seek professional help. While we can try to help you out, it sounds as though you would be good with a professional. Also as I had to learn the hard way there is a difference between not living up to your career and financial dreams and being a failure in life. And it's a huge difference.