Is it over?

my husband and I have been married for two years. During this time we have faced many obstacles. We actually got married in my fathers icu room because he was dying of lung cancer. My husband also had been diagnosed with cancer but not as serious and he is now cancer free. One month after our marriage my father passed away and our lives changed greatly. We now also had to take care of my mother who has dementia and Parkinson’s disease. My husband stayed with her during the day while I worked. About two months after my father passed away my husband became very distant, spending most of his time in the garage or the back office. This went on for weeks. I noticed he was spending most of his time on Facebook so one day while he was out I investigated and found that he had been talking to his ex. Many conversations and phone calls to her. Exchanging numbers etc. he even asked her if there was a more private way they could talk. They were also making plans to meet up. I confronted him about this and he of course denied it. Then he said he was only talking to her to see how her kid was doing, the kid was never mentioned in their conversation. He said it would stop and he blocked her. About a month later I saw a text from her pop up on his phone and he again tried to deny it and said it would stop. Fast forward two months and I notice that has has added her back on his Facebook and they are once again talking and calling each other, trying to make plans again. She kept trying to invite him to a bonfire at her house while her husband was out of town. I again confronted him and told him to get out. He left for a few days and then I let him back. Two more months go by and then they start talking again. He admitted it and said it would stop. I do agree that he has been more focused on our marriage but now I’m left not trusting him and I don’t know if I can move past this. He says they never actually met up with each other but I have no reason to believe him. Should I forgive him or just move on?

You are creating a relationship where you don't have a possibility to talk about everything. If my girlfriend wanted to talk with her ex about his children or anything then id be happy for her to reconnect to an old friend. You on the other hand control and forbid options. Maybe he is or was sleeping with her behind your back. Who knows. However if you can't trust each other to be honest with yourselves I personally don't see why you are a couple to begin with

I’m sorry perhaps I should have elaborated more, he was not just talking to her about normal everyday things. The conversation the where having included things like their old sex life, her performing oral sex on him, how ticklish she is, etc etc. He also avoided me during this time and asked her when her fiancé and child would be gone so they could be alone. And I would have been more than happy but he lied to me about who she was.

Hi Helpmemoveon, Yes, sounds like to had to face a lot after you got married with the loss of your dad and your mum having dementia and Parkinson’s . Your husband should have stood by you and supported you a lot more, not go back to his ex to look for attention coz his needs were not being met! Then he continuously lied to you again and again ? You’re not controlling or stopping options. He’s the one at fault and clearly can’t be trusted. You didn’t need to be sorry or elaborate. You’re not at fault :-). Please look up narcissistic personality disorder (npd) I have a feeling he is a narc.

Thank you for understanding and reason my post thoroughly.

So if you think he is sexually interested in other women is narcissistic and intentionally lies to you repeatedly Should you just forgive him or what else are your options?

I am sorry you go through this. Stay strong and calculate your options. Can you be married with somebody who obviously wants an outside-of-marriage relationship or not? Can you,or should you make this compromise?

:-P (A) I think you should leave, he's disrespectful,and he doesn't care about how you feel.

Ohh!! Sad to hear this, I must say you are very strong enough for handling these issues alone without taking any help from anyone. But According to me, you should never return to him, as he is being so disrespectful to you. I know what amount of depression you are currently going through, but trust me, you will be free from this very soon. I remembered last year when my grandfather passed away, my granny was out of control and lost her senses, but we then took some help from the eldercare lawyers ( http://www.scottcounsel.com/), who then helped her to recover from the grief.

When someone cheats on you, your mind feelings and emotions scream at you to hate, punish and never forgive. It's hard to let go of those beautiful feelings. I must say move forward. If he lies you more than once then let him go. It is very difficult to do but dear what about your love or feelings. He doesn't care about you. I want to suggest you one video plz watch. I think the video is helpful for you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2gAp0LJAPM Good luck!