How to handle situation

I have been dating a man for 7 years. Neither one of us desires to be remarried. There have been various "issues" (not from either of us) that have popped up in the past - me doing this, saying that, etc. most of which made to sense to either one of us. Recently, he was hospitalized for a heart issue and released. I stayed at his house to help him (adult children came to hospital). On Saturday, I needed to go to work, and the feeding (yep a farm/ranch) wasn't done. His son did not show up, and the following took place between the daughter 36 (who lives with son 28 - son does not have text)- and yes I admit I was wrong for texting!! but i was concerned for his safety and health. And no the daughter will not talk to me directly or call - but will talk to all the relatives about the issue. Sorry it's long - but is word for word. So I need a discussion on how to go forward - and mind you, both adult children have been in "our" relationship for years dictating what should and should not happen. Plus other women he has dated, are pushed away within a year. Me: Can you or Lil Joe help your dad feed, he’s feeling a bit dizzy. Suzanne: Are you not available to help him, he helps you feed all the time. Me: No I have a job this am which I get paid for kind like Lil Joe Suzanne: The dad needs to ask Joe to come feed. In a real relationship you help each other when the other is sick, he helps you ten times more than you ever help him, you could have gotten up early and fed for him. That is just being kind hearted and that is what a real significant other does. Instead of texting all his kids, I don’t mind helping, but when I see that you could help and you don’t it gets old. Especially when you have some of your own horses out there too Me: I tried to call you to talk but you didn’t answer. Also, maybe you didn’t realize that Lil Joe has been breeding to my stallion free and that’s why he’s there plus I have two of your horses at my place that I feed free. Suzanne: Bring the horses back and take yours home those horses are dad’s not mine, and where is my saddle. Plus this has nothing to do with what I said Me: What you said was our relationship, which is decided by your dad and me. Not any of you. And frankly is non of your business as to the arrangements we have made. As a child you have over stepped your boundaries and as an adult you do not have a say. I will not allow you to dictate my role in this relationship or pigeonhole me as something I am not (I pay board for my horses) I would suggest you concentrate on trying to afford your life on your own and live it and not try to run everyone else’s. I do not wish to be part of you and your brother’s drama any longer so if I choose to have any contact with any of you it will be thru your father only. Suzanne: I have given a lot of thought and here is my response …You know that I have never been a part of all this drama, but seem to always get drug into it without choice. If dad needs me or my brothers to do something for him, he can call & ask us himself. I do not get into anyone’s business until they get into my or my family’s As any healthy adult knows as a child I will always be my father’s daughter & will always have a right to have an opinion & a say when I feel that he is not getting treated the way he deserves. When you date anyone who already has children you have to accept the whole package, which you have not. Any healthy adult would know that if they are dating someone and they do not accept the others children and are not able to get along with the children perhaps it’s a sign things aren’t meant to be. Children will always be a part of your life. You have gone round and round with my brothers & myself numerous times, as an adult that should turn a light on. I’m not even going to respond to the other snide comments you made about me & my life because this has nothing to do with the situation. I will say this, I will not keep my mouth shut anymore when people mess with my family. Perhaps you should consider reading a self-help book about dating men with children. &#8195; Me: Dating a Man with Adult Children How to Deal with His Daughter's Disapproval Dating a man with small children represents a huge responsibility in a woman's life. However, dating someone with adult children poses its own obstacles. Most women spend their lives very determined to never play the role of the "other woman." However, women can find themselves in a version of this role when they decide to date a man who has an adult daughter. Especially in cases where the man you are dating has been the sole parent for his daughter, you may find that you are viewed as an extreme threat to their relationship and her sense of security. Should you find yourself in this situation, there are a number of suggestions you may find helpful. • Assuming that the problems with the daughter began occuring early in the relationship, they most likely have little or nothing to do with you personally. While this is only moderately comforting, it will be helpful to remember this when it feels like you are being rejected or attacked. • Discuss with her father how to deal with behaviors from the daughter such as rudeness, disrespect, and interference on her part between the two of you. By expressing your expectations in a sensitive, but firm manner, he will understand that while you are willing to be patient, you are not willing to be abused or mistreated. • Insist to the man you are dating that any discussions he has with his daughter about dating you should be limited to her insecurities and their personal relationship. Should the discussions expand to include issues involving you personally, you prefer to have the opportunity to speak for yourself and express your own thoughts and points of view. • Decide early exactly how much you are willing to allow his daughter to impact your relationship with her father. Should it become apparent that the problems are escalating, rather than diminishing, evaluate the situation and decide the healthy course of action on your part. I’m done – you have your own issues. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Suzanne: I have no issues but you and your manipulation... Sent from Suzanne Frerich On Feb 16, 2012, at 8:06 AM, Bonnie Wnenkowski <[e-mail address removed]> wrote: Me: I thought perhaps we were starting to open up a dialogue, but I guess not. So my question to you; if our discussion was happening between two boys in your unit. Would you have instructed them to handle it the same way? What would you recommend to do different?? When your ready for a discussion I’ll be here. Luv Bonnie On Feb. 19, 2012, at 6:38 AM Bonnie Wnenkowski [e-mail address removed] wrote: Me: Suzanne when you forward emails of our conversations (yes people did tell me) you should include everything so that people are not influenced one way or the other but can make up their own minds. You seemed to have left out my offer of open communication and how we might have handled this differently and that my door is always open. I’m really disappointed that this is the route you have choosen. But it is not for me to say, it is your choice and your life. So once again if you were counseling two boys in a similar situation is this how you would tell them to handle the situation?? What would you advise to do differently. My door is open for communication and I still love you for you. Bonnie