Anxiety, relationships and crushes

like alot of people i have really bad anxiety and im also one of those people who hide it from others. i dont do well in relationships and tend to get kinda freaked out when ppl want to be with me if i dont like like them. i cant say no and thats kinda what happended with my current boyfriend, it started as just try it you dont have to do anything. its been a couple months now and he keeps saying i love you which makes me really uncomfortable. i cant break up with him as then part of my friendship group would fall apart. i dont feel it tho i feel numb lately and i can kinda tell my mental health is declining ive told im not myself lately either. what makes this all worse is i think i still like his best friend though i think im just looking at reasons to feel worse as for 2 years ive only thought of him as a friend (previously we both really liked eachother, quite a few people still joke that we should be together but in actuality i still only think of him as a really good friend ) im writing this as i think so if it doesnt make sense im sorry. also my best friends are all either falling out with me because i dont do anything anymore or because theyre spending more time with their new boyfriends and friends which i understand but it still hurts. over the past 5 years a lot of things have gone wrong and i went fro being healthy and happy to a post suicidal, anxiety ridden mess that part doesnt matter just thought it would give more context to the way i think. any advice?

also my boyfriend texts me all the time and unknowingly brings up alot of my anxiety triggers ; i feel sick/suffocated whenever i see his name come up in my notifications