Life anxiety

I am in my mid teens and very, very anxious. I have severe clinical depression and worry constantly about my future. I can't help it. My friends are all growing up around me, unhindered by a constant barrage of self-destructing thoughts. I still hang out with them in school (when schools were open) but I never go to any of their houses anymore because of my social anxiety, and so I can't pick up the courage to invite anyone over anymore (not that I could right now). I have lost nearly all my communication skills and am reduced to a quiet, mumbling person, who's every other sentence is wrongly pronounced or out of context. It's killing me. I even look sad. Worst of all is the constant feeling of being alone. I used to have many friends and know many people, but I let it slide (unintentionally) because I always felt alone. It's like I am looking for the person who understands me, who knows me, who is kind and will save my soul. I have learned that the only person who can save me is myself- but how can I, when I wake up in the morning and wish I had never woke? I know that everyone around me has their own issues, but I can't help thinking that they are far older than I will ever be. I have D's and E's, not because I do not understand the teachers, but because I let things slide, all the while stressing and watching my future drop away. How will I ever get into any college? How will I manage a single job interview like this? I am an invisible student and person, and it does not help that I am only 4 11

You need to speak to a trusted adult or parent about how you feel. Are you taking any medicine to help? I think Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is very effective with issues like this so you should speak to your doctor to be referred. Don't give up hope, there is help, but you have to be proactive and very honest with the adults in your life. I realise it's hard, but be brave, you can do this. Exams and grades aren't everything, you are just at the beginning of your future and have plenty of time to work it out. Make a short list each day of little goals and take it one step at a time, you will get there. 🙂

Thank you for the advice. :-)