Intimacy with someone who thinks it should be spontaneous

My partner and I have always struggled with intimacy, being intimate in ways other than sex and sexually. I am much younger than my partner and that is usually what he attributes this problem to. That is if he actually acknowledges that it is a problem. In the eyes of my husband intimacy is to be spontaneous, he is to take me when he feels the need to. Regardless of what I’m wearing or where we are it happens. Do to this ideology we may not have sex or be intimate in that way for 2 weeks to a month and at the most 2 months. I don’t choose when I have sex because I want to be with him always. So when the need arises for him I am more than willing. Realistically I would like for it to happen, at least once a week or even once every two weeks. He doesn’t allow me to give him oral sex or give it to me, I masturbate every other day. He also doesn’t help with that and instead has taken to making subtle jokes about it. Maybe it is my age, maybe that is why I want to be intimate. Or maybe it’s that I’m a human being married to someone who attracts me. I am unsure on the matter but I was hoping to get some advice or at the very least share my situation.

Hey Lana, You aren't wrong, and it isn't your age by wanting to be intimate. That's what usually couples do. When you love someone, you literally share everything of you. And masturbating is Ok, even when you have sex regularly. Me and my husband don't have sex everyday but even when someone doesn't feel like doing it, we can just play a little bit with each other and do other things. Sex is about sharing the love, and being intimate with another because you love them, so I don't really agree with your husband point of view. Try to change a little your sex life, and spicy it up in some ways he likes and maybe he gives a chance to other things. Try getting him to help while he has this desires, and perhaps he see what he is losing. :) Tho, I'm not really a professional in terms of sex life.

Thank you so much for replying, it means a lot to me to have someone else acknowledge my situation. I can’t say I’ll try this, out of fear of rejection but maybe one day I will. I just know him and I know if I make a move when he doesn’t want it, whether that be trying to be intimate or trying to play he’ll be annoyed and dismiss me. Either way thank you for responding!

I know it must be very complicated but a relationship is made with two persons, not just one. And things like that need to be acknowledged by the couple, because one day you will get tired of waiting for something you don't have in the relationship. Just don't give up already. :) I know it can happen but if you don't try it then you might regret it. At least you will know that you tried your best.

Yes it is always on his terms because I don’t have an option to choose otherwise.

It is wierd he doesn't like oral. Men go crazy get sucked off or going down/licking inbetween a woman's legs! Masturbation is natural and you should continue to enjoy it whenever you can. Also, as your partner it is his responsibility to satisfy your sexual needs. If he cannot or will not it may be the time to look for for someone who can;-)