My husband falsely accused me of making a porno

About a year and a half ago, my husband took a job that requires him to be a away for 3-6 weeks at a time. We have two kids, one who special needs. I knew he wanted to grow in his career and supported his decision. Despite the fact that I knew it About 4 months into his time away he was drinking a lot and not happy with the company he worked for. After a night have a would be hard on our marriage. After a night of a great convo on the phone, he texted me in the middle of night, drunk. He sent me a video from a porn site of a woman having sex with another man. He falsely accused me of making a porno. I was traumatized, shocked and broken. I didn't even know how to respond. I did my best to forgive him, but since then and haven't been able to let it go. We have had many fights since then. He came home the week of the George Floyd murder. I was deeply disturbed and heart broken by what happened. The first night he was comforting me and then after that he andI kept fighting. I was emotionally distraught and he was upset I wasn't present for the time he was home. Every time I asked him if he was okay he would ignore. I apologized for feeling the way I felt, and he would accept it and moment later he would be short with me and ignore me. We've been together for 19 years, but I am at my breaking point. We he is gone I am at peace and when is home I hate the version of myself. I just need perspective from and a non-biased opinion. He makes me feel like he is the one making all the sacrifices and he makes it a bigger deal then me raising our kids, taking care of our home and working doesn't amount to the turmoil he goes through being away. He gets to work out and do as he pleases without the responsibility of his wife, kids and home while he is away, yet makes it seem like what he is walking through is greater than what I carry. I remind him always that we ALL are making sacrifices and I never make him feel bad for being away.

Hello CECISA143, First, I have a question for you. Did you make that video? I'm assuming you didn't because you've had a hard time getting over it. So, he was drunk, probably missing you and saw a video of someone who looked similar to you. So what? Tell him was wrong and that's it. Despite what he might think, you must know who you are and what you have or haven't done in life. The second part is trickier. So, he gets "a taste of freedom" when he's working away, but when he's home I guess he would want 100% of your attention, which is not possible due to the fact that you 2 have kids. Let him know that you miss him. Do not fight, express yourself as calmly as possible. Write what you want to tell him and read it as if he was telling you that, figure out how you'd feel. Once you think it's polished enough, read it for him or just give him the letter, emphasizing that you don't want a fight, but fix whatever is broken between you 2. Good luck