Please be nice in replies

I found out 18 months ago that my good friend is not father of his oldest child.hes separated His cousin is the father.finding it very hard being his friend knowing this

Finding it very hard to be friends with the cousin? Your good friend is not the father of his oldest child (I get this part) But his cousin is the father of your good friends oldest child? And you are having being friends with the cousin now? This is not clear enough for anyone to give advice.

I'm finding it hard being friends with my best friend knowing this secret.that his cousin is the father

First of all how can you be sure? Have you seen blood tests? Maybe you were told this information as a way to test you to see what you do. There are all kinds of possibilities. But if I knew for sure… Truth is always the best way to go for everyone. When we are given news that effects our lives as deeply as this we go into a bit of shock and that makes it difficult to manage emotions and think clearly. So, its important that when you tell him…. you help his mind connect to healthy and positive perspectives. I would write a letter but read it to him so that I can ensure that he is calm and safe and then be quiet to allow him to process everything. In the letter I would include - I would ask him to listen to the entire letter - I would outline all of the facts of how you came to know this information - I would say that a blood test doesn’t define who a father is, a mans character and actions do - I would help him focus not on what is lost but the freedom ahead of him - - - - Its very important that you build his mind towards truth and positivity when you tell him but not overwhelm him with your voice, let him hear his own…. its HIS life.