Why do I still love him?

I’m going to start of by saying I know this will come across pathetic and desperate but I can’t help it... My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and about 4 years ago he admitted to cheating on me. We worked through it and stayed together. I found out about a month ago that he has done it again. He has been seeing a random 20 year old behind my back. It went on for about a month and then he ended it (or so he tells me). I ended the relationship as I really couldn’t see any other option. I knew I couldn’t just accept it again. But it just hurts so much. I am still in love with him and I’m really struggling to cope with it. Now another lock down has been initiated I’m going to be completely on my own and I just feel so low and lonely. How do I stop missing him? I know time is the only real option but how can I still feel this way after what he has done? I don’t even feel angry at him I just feel so so sad. How long does it take for things to get better?

Hi Sula998, You did the right thing ending the relationship with him and it’s going to take a while. 8 years is a long time, and you spent the last four years trying to trust him again, from when he first cheated, also forgiving him, only to find out he’s cheated (again!). A month isn’t long, I think the anger will come just let your self go through the motions. Some day are going to be bad some good. He probably found it very easy to talk and reassure you that he wouldn’t cheat again but hes showed you he can’t be trusted. Actions speak louder. Only thing you need to watch out for is if he tries to get in contact with you again. I feel sorry for people who are in lock down on there own. It’s going to be easier said then done (some days) but try to look at it positively. we are still allowed to exercise so a walk might be good? Try to speak to a friend or family most days, online might be better so you can see them. There are some courses you can do online? My uni does a book reading club do it online now other places might do the same. Distract yourself when you feel like it. Annnd Update this thread on here I think will help too people will reply :-)