15m pregnant in a strict Asian family having issues with my boyfriend
I'm a bad student with a bad relationship, my parents have accommodated my life and paid a lot of money to get me through therapy for eating disorders and other burdens, and now here I am, pregnant.
I have literally no one to help me with this and it's even worse being in my own situation already.... Now I'm just hiding from everyone and I need help. I have a Korean Foster family who is very very strict and they've been abusive in the past. Already falling behind in school as it is and now I'm just sick all the time, can't even eat or think to myself. Literally don't know where to take it from here.
currently around 10 weeks pregnant or possibly 12 but haven't been to the doctor yet. I would have the means to get there but I'm just really scared.I'm terrified for my health too because I have no idea what's going to happen to my body or what is happening and I'm also scared. Doctors won't take it too seriously after everything I've been through and my situation and it's a bad system anyway. I have my own situation going on that allows me to get pregnant after my boyfriend had * with me multiple times and while he's here and lays reassuring me that he's here, I feel like he's really not and sometimes I feel like I'm not really here either. I'm having a lot of issues with my boyfriend of 5 years since last year but he's the only person I really got. He's starting to be really overbearing and he throw stuff at me and tells me to stop crying and he got mad at me because I puked all over his bed and he started breaking my stuff out the window and all he does is joke around about how fat I'm going to get and how much I'm eating (compared to my anorexia) and tells me he wants to have * again. I don't know where things are going to go from here with him or how to help him cope with this. Just stuck.
There isn't any advice I can give that will fix any of this. My only suggestion is that you need to focus on becoming the person you want to be and stop worrying about everyone else. Also if your bf is becoming violent, you need to leave him.
Fear, anger, and confusion comes from not knowing what to do. Security comes from looking at the facts and our options with a clear mind.
You need to make peace a priority for your health, your child’s health, and so that you can have control over your life and make each decision you have to make without regret.
Start by giving yourself less to manage by focusing on your needs. Create a daily schedule for yourself that not only lists the things that you need to do but the things that you need to think about throughout your day, planning what you are going to wear, what you are going to eat, what you need to do. Fill your mind and your life up with the simple things.
When you are feeling calm and ready to sit down and focus on your situation get a notebook and make a list of all of things that you need to organize. You don’t have to think about the details right now, but you need to gather the facts. The more questions you answer the more peace you will feel.
Some questions to start with…
What do I want to do with my baby? - You could put it up for adoption. You could raise it on your own. You could raise it with the child’s father.
Will my life be easier with the child’s father or worse? Is he going to help? He is a kid too, is he willing to learn how to be a father? Will I be able to be a mother and a wife?
Does the child’s father or his parents have the money we need to raise the child? It is very common in eastern cultures that boy’s parents see the baby as their son’s child to carry on their name, especially if the child is a boy.
Will I be better off at home or should I get an apartment? How am I going to pay for the apartment?
Will I be able to return to school so that I can get a good paying job?
I don’t know what country you are in or what kind of services are available to you but you going to have to ask for help. Do some research into the services available to you, ask your doctor or any doctor if yours doesn’t believe in you.
What do I need to know about pregnancy and giving birth?
What do I need to know about newborns? -You need to do some research and gather what you need to know so that you can keep my child safe. You should start a binder for this.
These questions are just a start. As you go through your days you will ask yourself more questions, write them down and try to gather your thoughts that can lead you to answers.
AGAIN, THE MORE YOU ANSWER THE MORE PEACE YOU WILL FEEL. But you have to ask yourself the questions, don’t be afraid, don’t avoid any subject just because it is scary. You will eventually have to face everything, you will be far better off if you have collected your thoughts.
By putting your thoughts in front of you you will gain more control over you situation, you will have less running through your mind, and you will be able to work with what you see in front of you. If you keep it inside you not be able to organize your thoughts and emotions will make it even worse.
I hope this turns out to be a wonderful journey for you either by giving your gift, your blessing, your child to a family that desperately wants to have a child but can't on their own, or by raising it on your own and becoming the mother of your dreams.
PS: you are welcome to write back, I am not a doctor but I am a friend that is here for you, but you have to want to grow.
There is three things that come to mind for me when I read this.
Your boyfriend is abusive no one deserves that.
You need to go to a doctor and
Is there a councilor at your school you can talk to?