Unrequited love for so long, not sure what to do

I have been with my boyfriend for an accumulated two years. His name is Jason. I have been very in love is Jason for a while. He is everything I want. We like a lot of the same things. We cherish the same films and musicians. He is responsible and trustworthy. He is loyal. He has done a LOT for me. I guess I should explain that I was diagnosed with a severe autoimmune disease of the bladder. It causes me to be in intense pain all the time and it prevents me from working. I am on my own and cannot work. It wasn't until recently that my grandparents offered to let me live with them. But up until about a month ago, I had no wear to live and no one was taking care of me. My parents love me and pay my medical bills, but they continue to live a constantly in-debt-american-dream-middle-class life. I lived in poverty for about two years. I still do except when I stay with my grandparents. I should also explain I was VERY recently diagnoses Bipolar II. It is different from Bipolar I (the traditional bipolar). I don't experience full mania, just hypomania. I also experience longer and more frequent bouts of bipolar depression, more so than Bipolar I. But Jason is not bothered by my diagnosis (neither am I) because he has always known me to "change" every few weeks, but never thought anything about it. I am pretty functional having Bipolar. As an artist, I think it probably drives me to create what I do. Basically, Jason told me he wanted me to live with him when I had no home, so I did. (I was not sick with bladder illness yet). I worked for about three months and got fired from my job because I was showing up to work sick, leaving sick, or called in sick. At the time, there was no known cause to why I wasn't feeling well, so I was hired and fired from 3 other jobs after this. Jason didn't mind as he inherited a house, so no rent worries. However, the first time I expressed my feelings of love, I did not get the same in return. I figured he just needed time. I have to "figure" and guess a lot because Jason does not openly express his feelings regarding our relationship. I have to say he is a really bad communicator sometimes. I never like to nag or bring things up. I just let things go with the flow, but something just wasn't right. He wasn't affectionate. We didn't kiss anymore and sex was seldom. I would go out with friends to try to give him space, but it didn't seem to have an affect. After about six months, I asked him if he just wanted to be friends because I felt very confused on how he was not acting like he wanted me. He said he thought we should break up "for now" and that he wanted to just be friends "for now". He repeatedly reassured me "this is NOT IT, we will be together again" and stuff like that, but it only confused me more. The only thing I could think of was that he was depressed about his dad dying in 2009 (we hadn't met til 2010) I had been hanging out with a friend from my last job and he unexpectedly showed affection for me. I think I was in hypomania at the time, which means I don't use my best judgement. He kissed me and I let him. It just escalated from there. I never wanted a relationship with him, but I had no where to live and could not work, and once again, he offered to let me live with him. I didn't really have a choice. I didn't want to keep not having a place to live. He is a wonderful guy, but we are not compatible at all. He brought out the anger part of my bipolar in me. He frustrated me constantly and we never communicated well. I decided to end the relationship because I thought it was wrong to be with him. He is madly in love with me and I am not. I have a love for him, but it is not romantic. Even now, he still keeps trying to be with me, and I don't want to. While we were together beginning of 2011, I was finally diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. To this day, I am not receiving any help for my constant pain and there is no cure, though I have tried several treatments. The doctors don't seem to believe me, but I am still searching for the right doctor. Needless to say, it changed my life. I had to start going to school only half time and I changed my major from pre chemistry to art. For now 3 semesters, I have only taken art classes half time. I am protected by the disability accommodation act, so my teachers basically let me miss as much school as I need and my assignments are due at the end of the semester.So basically I do most my art work at home in bed. Eventually I broke up with Zach because he loved me and I didn't feel the same and I was very unhappy alot. And around that time, jason was talking to me again. We were hanging out and everything seemed to be good, like he was ready to be with me again. Turned out I was right, he asked me to be with him again. He insisted I live with him, considering I was couch hopping again. He knew of my illness as we were still friends, and he was very supportive. He prepared my meals and helped me if I needed it (which I often did). I try not to ask for help because I am stubborn about it. It makes me feel lazy or useless. Everything seemed really great since May of this year. He was a little more affectionate, we really enjoy each others company and we love the same things. But the unrequited love didn't change. It was obvious he didn't feel the same. Sometimes I'd try to show him simple affection, like rubbing his back, holding his hand, hugging, etc. And everytime he was like a stiff stoic statue. I confused me. We had sex more often, but he still NEVER kissed me. He never kissed me unless I asked him to, and its like a microsecond peck on the lips or cheek. His mouth is always closed and stiff. The only time he was super affectionate, ironically, was IN HIS SLEEP. He has kissed me very affectionately in his sleep, touchy feely, etc. But he never remembers is upon waking. What would Freud say? It got to the point where I was no longer afraid of looking pushy or needy to him, so I broke my silence. I finally told him I couldn't stand unrequited love. He never would admit that he DIDN'T love me, but he has never said he loves me either. The most he has said on the subject is "I just know it would be wrong to tell you that [i love you]". I couldn't get through to him, I kept telling him maybe we shouldn't be together. I kept telling him to just tell me what he wants us to do, but no input. So about a month ago, I started hanging out with my uncle and staying at my grandparents for several weeks at a time. I go home to jason for only a couple days, and I leave again. It has given me time to evaluate things. Sort of. One night I just got really drunk because I was going to break up with Jason for good. Even though I love him and I really want to marry him! But its not right to be with someone who doesn't love you too, right? To my surprise, he refused. He resisted. I gave him every reason in the world how it didn't seem like we were gonna work, that we were just a stagnate relationship that would inevitably die. But he did NOT want to break up! He just kept reassuring me "I will try harder". I told him you can't MAKE yourself love someone, but he just said "I will try harder." And he has. Ever since then, he talks to me more (via text, since I am away at my grandparents), he is much more thoughtful and considerate, everything is a little better than it was before. But the lack of love is still there. Its so confusing. And its making me wonder off again, making new friends. I met a lawyer (I am 21 and can't work, so I mean, pssh. realistically I NEED a husband to take care of me). He is so nice. I think that we could have a relationship together and I could one day start my life over with someone new. But I don't know if I want to take that leap! I am scared. I don't want to leave Jason. I love him, no one else is going to be HIM. He's the only one who likes the same obscure music as me (which is very important to me), we like to do the same non social activities together. He is not materialistic like me. He is everything I ever wanted. He just won't communicate about his feeling for me, and I am sick with unrequited love! Jason is graduated and could provide for me too, he even told me wanted to provide for me (weird considering he doesn't want to get married some day?) I don't know what to do, I don't want to let go of someone so important to me if it isn't the right thing to do. Am I just being too picky? Could we really just keep being together and going with the flow? He HAS been trying REALLY hard lately, and it makes me think PERHAPS we can finally progress our relationship. But how do I know? I don't want to leave someone and move on and regret what I did forever. Last night I decided to confront him with my feelings (again). I asked him how he felt and he finally said "I don't know how I feel" What do I DO? Should I move on to greener pastures, like perhaps my amazingly genuine lawyer friend? Or should I stay with the person I love, who I am totally compatible with, or no? Sorry this was so long, but I felt like in order to answer, it would help to know all the pieces of the puzzle. Sense our lives affect relationships.