So confused...

Long story short, my husband and i have been together 21 years, most were good. The last five have been bad, at times very bad, and we've def lost trust and communication, but we claim to love each other and want to make it work. That being said, i still catch my husband withholding things from me, telling little white lies about small things, just generally not trying like he said. He's also become sneakily controlling and very double standard. He also does alot of small things for me, and can, on the rate occasion, make me melt for how sweet he is. Then the other day, i caught him stealing from me. Not red handed, per see, but i KNOW what was where, how much, etc etc. I had double and triple checked, of which he didn't know, and unless things can literally grow legs and walk away THERE IS NO OTHER EXPLANATION FOR WHAT'S MISSING TO BE MISSING EXCEPT that he stole it. But he is adamant about being innocent, yet unusually calm about it too? But I KNOW, and i feel like that's the final straw, and I'm not living like this anymore. I guess i just want someone to reassure me I'm not crazy, or having some conspiracy theory meltdown. Anyone elses opinion?

Thanks for sharing. Marriage is very challenging if you wish to make it work but it is usually worth the effort. You say both of you think you love each other, but the behaviors don't show it. His negative behaviors are well chronicled in your post. Yours may be a little more subtle. It sounds like you have given up. It would not be fair of me to suggest it is premature to quit on the promise of your marriage because I have not been in your shoes. However, the vows (promise) say "for better or worse". So lets explore some options for you. Without knowing what you and your husband have been through in the last 5 years, perhaps you could seek professional (counseling) help. If either of you are unwilling, that on its own, is telling. Can the two of you negotiate measurable and shared standards for the marriage (ie no lies, no stealing, required counseling, etc.)? If they are measurable, you can hold each other accountable. Marriage is a promise. There was a time you loved each other and by your post, you may still love each other. Hang in there, but don't compromise your safety or your mental health.