I want to have fun with an old friend. She's in her 50's.

Some years ago my wife introduced to me her work colleague, Helen, at a party for her wedding to David. Helen and my wife were working at a school, but my wife later left that employment. We have all remained friends for a long time, but my feelings toward Helen have changed a fair bit. My wife has become quite distant in the last few years, and doesn't participate in social media very much, preferring her own company. She had a fling many years ago, and still refers to how wonderful it made her feel when we have arguments. I communicate a lot with Helen on social media, using leaving very affectionate messages on Facebook, which she readily acknowledges, but is always careful to wish "us" good wishes. Her marriage appears quite rocky sometimes, though her husband does sometimes treat her when he thinks it's necessary. Some time ago we attended a wedding, and met Helen, who was on her own. According to her "David was chasing women, so she attached herself to us. At one point my wife went off to chat to another friend, leaving Helen and I alone. She felt bad, so I told her she looked stunning. She flirted with me until my wife returned. Then, as we danced, I grabbed her breast by accident, and I felt her flinch a bit, then relax. I think she wanted to bed me that night (she was a bit drunk). Since then I haven't seen much of her in the flesh, but I would probably enjoy being with her. She knows she's sexy, but I think her husband is more interested in younger women.

First of all - unless you're in an open marriage, what you're planning is cheating. If that's the case, leave Helen alone, and work on things with your wife. DO NOT CHEAT. Assuming your wife is okay with this (and explicitly okay, no coercion, no "well, she seemed cool", etc. etc.) and Helen is *also* in an open marriage (and you're certain of this - I mean, seems likely with the husband chasing other women, but who knows?), flirt with her. See how she responds when she's not drunk. If it goes well, AWESOME! If it doesn't...well, not everyone is into everyone. (Also, I'm not sure what the "husband is into much younger women" has to do with anything. If this is a quid pro quo deal where you can only sleep with Helen if David gets to sleep with your wife, well...good luck for him in finding much younger women who want to bed a married man. I suspect he'll find that more difficult than he's expecting.)

Thanks. The funny thing is my wife and her get on really well. Sometime ago she asked if Helen was my sort, which surprised me, but she's always known my tastes. Indeed, she once confessed that Helen felt ignored by her husband. Helen is quite a physical woman; she's actually about 60,but her body is toned, and she has a great figure. My wife knew she had flirted with me at that occasion, and if Helen is nearby, I do get very aroused by her presence. I think Helen knows this, and also realises I've studied her Facebook page, which contain a number of photos which show her sexy, sensuous side. I'd love to spend a weekend with her.

From your reply, I'm still not sure whether this is all okay with everyone onboard. If your wife has not explicitly agreed to an open marriage AND that it's okay that you sleep with Helen, I would not assume this to be the case. (I've had exes joke about how someone seems perfect for me when he clearly would have been broken had I decided to sleep with them.) I'm also not sure how in the heck Helen's husband feels about this. (And I'd argue that it is an issue. It's more Helen's part to manage than it is yours, but I also would not condone sleeping with someone you know is in a monogamous relationship.) And I'm wondering whether that's the issue... If you and your wife have 100% agreed that non-monogamy is your deal + she's 100% cool with you sleeping with Helen, and you're 100% sure that Helen and her husband are in an open relationship then...this isn't that hard. You tell Helen what you said above. (That you find her sexy and would like to spend a weekend with her. Or maybe start slower and ask her out to dinner on a date or whatever.) If she agrees, great! If not, so it goes. But if all the above aren't true (and since you haven't confirmed that they are, I have some doubts that the above is true...), you need to ensure they are before you make any moves on Helen. I'd argue that the first step is talking to your wife. Find an example of her saying something flirty about Helen (or whatever) and ask what she means by that. Ask her what she means when she says that Helen feels ignored by her husband. It's really, really easy to misinterpret things when you want to. Your groin says "Clearly my wife would be cool if I slept with Helen because she said X, Y and Z" because you want it. (And if you think she is...is it that hard to confirm?) But it's entirely possible your wife feels sorry for a woman who was ditched at a wedding and thinks she feels ignored by her husband (true) because she cares about her as a friend (probably true?) and absolutely, 100%, would NOT be cool with you sleeping with Helen. (At which point I guess you decide whether your desire to bang Helen is worth possibly rupturing your marriage by bringing it up with your wife.) It's also pretty easy, if your motivation is to spend the weekend with Helen, that you think to yourself, "Her dirtbag of a husband CLEARLY was chasing other women (which may have been innocent flirtation, IDK), so CLEARLY fair is fair, and we should bang it out." This, again, may be true. It may also not be. (Flirting =/= spending a weekend with someone else.)

I read the reply earlier, but I wanted to reply now, even though it's early morning. A few years ago we moved house. My wife invited Helen to come over and view the property, but hadn't told me. It was Summer of 2014, and we had been living in the new house for 6 months. Helen arrived at about 8pm, having been working until 6.30pm, so still wearing her office clothes (a dark blue, halter neck, wraparound dress). My wife asked me to answer the door when she knocked. I was faced with a braless mature woman, with her skirt hanging over her tanned legs. My wife bustled past, and hurried Helen in to show her the house. When finished we all sat down in the living room to have a drink. Helen reclined on the sofa, allowing her legs and bust to be quite prominent. My wife spent a fair time in the kitchen, and I struck up small talk with Helen. She was bubbly, but sad that her husband had chosen not to come with her. I noticed her body under the dress. She was fragrant and very flirty. My wife returned with drinks (coffees) on a tray, and then we sat and talked for a while. When we had finished our drinks, Helen rose to go home, and my wife suggested I see her out, whilst she cleared the coffee cups. Helen seemed to float to the front door, but I had to open it. As I did, she called goodbye to my wife, who called back. Helen lip's touched my cheek, and she whispered "Have you 'christened' the bed upstairs yet?" I was a bit stunned, shook my head. "Oh well, there's something to think about if you're on your own." She smiled as she left, her figure leaving the house to get into her car. As I turned round from the door my wife was there. She said "She likes?" I said "Yes, I think she does." "Good." she replied. "I know she likes upstairs...She might visit if David leaves. Okay?" "Sure." I replied. Unfortunately, David never left, but I still hope. He seems to be a bit more careful now, although I have seen him with a younger woman near where he lives. However the Pandemic has got in the way recently.

In truth my wife had an affair with a mutual male friend years ago. This led to a falling out with him and his wife, who had been our friends. However, when we first got together she explained that her own emotional/physical personality wasn't really suited to a long term relationship, but she wanted stability. Basically, her father had wanted her to get together with someone, and had suggested me as we had both been to the same Sixth Form (High School?), and were now both working in London. I also lived close by. When we married, we stayed in the village, which meant she had easy access to her parents. I am not close to my family, and never have been. I'm 52 now, but personally have always been drawn to mature, sensuous females. I had crushes on school and college teachers when I was a teenager, and briefly flirted with mature women after I left full-time education. I have an attraction to a local artist living in my village, who is in her late 60's, and even one of my mother's remote cousins who is an attractive 75 I think. Helen is one of those women who just hit my buttons. When my wife first introduced us she realised I fancied her straight away, and even said, "I bet you wouldn't kick her out of bed!" after we left the party where we met. My wife wouldn't be very interested in her for her own fulfillment, but I think she might get a kick out of knowing that I had consorted with her; my wife knows my tastes in women, and will often let me watch a television programme if one of my favourites is on (Kristin-Scott Thomas, Helen Mirren, etc). In this context, I would be in heaven if Helen and I ended up in the same bed for a few hours.

If you're convinced your wife would get a kick out of hearing about this why not ASK HER? And if she *would* get a kick out of it (and states so explicitly), then you can ask Helen about her + Dave's feelings. If everyone is on board, this is all pretty simple. My concern is that they're not - and the reason you're hedging around things is that you know they're not. (At which point you have to ask yourself whether "heaven" for a few hours with Helen is worth blowing up two marriages.)

I think I ought to state that David, Helen's husband, is often away on business, and doesn't share her real passion; she races a stock car around England. They do go on holiday together, often with friends; but I've never known them be "on their own", although I know she's really into her dogs and her children/grandchildren. As far as I'm concerned, I have to wait until "normal" is back before I can really do anything about my own interests in her, and hope she's ready to reciprocate.