Confused after break up

Me and my partner of 3 years just broke up, it was an emotional break up we both cried as we both love each other unconditionally, I didn’t want it to happen. He has said he wants his own time, he doesn’t want to be with anyone right now and just needs to clear his head to see if he can move forward with me. He said he wants to be able to do as he pleases without having to worry about someone else but isn’t interested in any other girls, he just wants to do what he wants when he wants such as going out with his mates or “lads holiday”, even though he can even in a relationship with me. We’ve broken up now he’s moved back with his parents and I’m giving him his time to see where his heads at but he wants to keep messaging me? In my eyes if he wants to know for himself if I’m the right person then he needs the space from me completely to see if he misses me, of course I want to talk to him but I’m not going to beg him to come back as it will just push him away. I don’t want to annoy him by not speaking to him or make him think I’m no longer interested but at the same time I want him to realise what he’s got with me and that’s only done with time. What do I do, do I message him, do I not? What might his intentions be with still talking to me? I love this guy a lot and we planned our lives together so I want to do what’s going to be the best outcome for me and him,I’m struggling and really need some advice.

I’m 21 and he’s 24. We went from last month viewing houses together to him saying he wants time to himself. We’ve been through a lot together and don’t think I could ever just block him out of my life as I want to be with him, I just want to do the right thing and I just hope he comes back.

SeekingtheLight, Hello. If I'm understanding you correctly, it sounds like your boyfriend is seeking space and time to discover who he is and maybe even evaluating what the future possibly looks like. You guys were pretty young when you got together. Have you considered using this time apart to think about your dreams, desires, passion? Maybe what the future looks like to you. Evaluate career goals, what type of education is needed in order to pursue those goals? Do you want children someday? If so, what does that family picture look like? When people take the time to understand themselves it helps us to make much better decisions in our lives. There is a great book, "better decisions, fewer regrets" by Andy Stanley. I would recommend the book to anyone. Regarding reaching out to him, if he is contacting you what does it sound like to respond with, "You wanted time and space. I've realized this is a good idea for both of us to do so that we can make good decisions about our future. When you feel ready to come together and discuss dreams, goals, and the future we can get together. Until then let's respect each others time and space." If he is not reaching out, it would be wise to respect the time and space. I'm not sure how you feel about praying; but in my opinion it is the best first place to start. I would love to know how things are going. I will be praying for you. God bless.

Hello, Thankyou so much for your kind message it actually helped a lot! We spoke a little bit yesterday and I said I was taking this time to also focus on myself, we’ve both said that we needed to improve ourselves individually so we can then think about me and him again. I have a lot of hope for the both of us as I honestly believe he is my person for life and he has always said the same about me sometimes I think you need the space to help with the relationship itself. I am still a little bit confused as he doesn’t want to delete any of our photos on social media and doesn’t want to tell any of our mates anything that’s happening, I guess to me that’s because if we do get back together he doesn’t want to have to go through explaining things to people I’m not quite sure I could be completely wrong, but at the moment I’m just going with it because I love him and want us both to be happy. Another thing that has confused me is he has left things at my house such as clothing, that he wears it’s not like he doesn’t want it so left it- is this is way of making sure there’s a reason to see me again or am I just wishful thinking? All I can do is hope, I’m sure we will find our way back together as right now I just see it as space to sort ourselves out so we can make the best out of our relationship.

Hello. It is good to hear that some progress was made. I encourage you to focus on your dreams for the future, write them down along with the steps it will take to turn dreams into reality. This will give you a plan and a pathway in order to achieve and can help you note progress along the way. Regarding the photos remaining on social media and his clothing left behind, without actually asking him for his reasoning we can only speculate. When we speculate it is the same as creative writing in our minds. I would be curious how you feel about it. If I understand correctly, the goal is to focus individually with clear minds. Do you think constantly seeing photos or clothes will remind you of what was? Possibly bringing sorrow to your heart and mind and hindering your ability to fully evaluate your life? Possibly something to think about? I will keep you in prayer. Feel free to keep sharing. God bless.