Round and round

This is new for me, but I just have to get it out there. I have been with my boyfriend off and on since 2007. We've definatly have had major issues that anyone would walk away from but for some reason we just keep going. It's been a constant I need you/ I don't need you situation. Anymore I think even though we're miserable with each other we still provide each other comfort. Anyway here's the issues: He is a very hard person to break in the emotional sense. He refuses to express his feelings, and I'm always left guessing how he feels and it causes a lot of misunderstanding and arguements. He also doesn't commit in the way I need him to. Yes he has been unfaithful. Also he has checked out with his upcoming deployment which just leaves me feeling completely alone. We're also expecting a baby in December which just adds to the mixed feelings. I don't know how to go about being with him anymore, but I want him to be able to be apart of his child's life for the month and a half before his deployment. I just don't know how to continue living with him until then because the lack of communtication is unbearable because I'm completely alone due to the fact I live no where near my family and have no friends here. I'm just at a loss. For the first time since we've been together I want to end the relationship, but my love for him makes it difficult. If it is possible to save it I'm willing, but that would take him completly changing, which I have no faith in. I need suggestions please!

Hello there, I'm new to this too, and having a lot of 'family' problems!! And figured spilling everything out to random people seems somewhat comforting! I can sympathise with you here regarding the 'hot and cold' with him...as my partner is exactly the same. He never shows his feelings either...leaving me to guess.therefore resulting in arguments. When I finally get to confront him...whenever we get a minute..I open up...tell him I'm sick of EVERYTHING..from his kids..to our lack of quality time etc. I know it sounds harsh and selfish...but honesty is the best policy! He then (if Im lucky) admits that he doesn't want to lose me either etc. but in your case...I would strongly recommend talking to him. A proper talk. That's if he will listen. And tell him you are deadly SERIOUS about the steps you may take if things don't change. Make it clear what you want etc...and of he doesn't even meet you there...then you may have an answer. Is he frightened of the future? Commitment? Becoming a dad? If you haven't already these are possibly things you may want to ask. Good luck...and please remain positive. But also please put yourself first...and thin about what you really want...and wha would make YOU happy. Easier said than done I guess!! Charmaine

Hi I know you are dealing with some heavy situations. I f I may say I'm on the other side of things where I don't like to show what I'm feeling. It may not seem like it but its hard when you've been closed up for so long to just open yourself. My advice would be to take steps slowly and maybe he will open up more. Another thing is if you feel you want to end things then it is important for you guys to sit down and talk about how things need to be worked out before the baby comes and before he leaves. The most important part is letting him remain in the baby's life bu you have to learn how to separate him being a father and yours and his relationship. Being a father is the more important one. I hope things work out for you and him. Good Luck

Thanks for the replies, so far things have only gone from bad to worse. He has been gone for a couple weeks though for training which seems to always bring out the bad in us both. I still have a small ounce of hope for us I guess, just dont know where to start.

Sometimes what we think is good for us isn't. Often times when we care for someone we think by ending things that we end our connection with them. That is not the case sometimes it is just good to step back and let that part go. Its okay to still be friends but maybe thats all you guys were ment to be. It is not good to push things when they're just not budging and especially with a relationship because you will only find your self in pain wondering what else you could have done. Here is a question that you can ask yourself and maybe it will help you come to a decision. Do you feel like you've done all you can to make this work? Can you possibly think of anything else you can do? Make sure you ask yourself and you can't think about what he may think or else it won't work this is just for you. If your answer is no then continue to try and work on it. But if your answer is yes then tell him that and ask if he is willing to put in the same effort or else you can't stay. I hope you get what you're looking for. Best of luck to you and him.